Tag Archives: pop culture

Yes, Condoms Deserve A Holiday Too!

Forget the Valentine’s Day candies and roses. What better way to gear up for Vday romance than celebrating International Condom Day! (#ICD2015 to you, Twitter.)

This year the AHF is changing the way we think about condoms.

This year the AHF is changing the way we think about condoms.

February 13th marks this holiday of awareness as a time to educate and celebrate safer sex. World, be prepared for thousands of free condom dispensaries and numerous safer sex events across 31 countries. In the US, the AHF (AIDS Health Organization) has organized 37 events in 12 states including some “hot zones” like the District of Colombia, which has the highest national rate of HIV in the country; and Mississippi and Texas, two states which have some of the strictest laws against public sex education and (by no coincidence) the highest national average of teen pregnancies.

Indeed, there is plenty to celebrate when it comes to condoms.

The first being that condoms are the most effective method available today that protects against both STIs and accidental pregnancy. Can’t beat that.

Each year, the AHF curates this holiday around a theme. This year’s theme is “Coolness”; that is, “Condoms Are Cool”. Now, before you roll your eyes and think, “Not another lame, out-of-touch attempt to get youth to use condoms,” I challenge you to check out the AHF corresponding video series. They launched a trio of videos related to young people buying condoms at a local corner shop or “bodega”.

Here is the first of the AHF’s “Bodega Nights” video series. Trust me, you have never seen a condom commercial like this one. Unlike traditional public service announcements (PSAs) that are overtly serious and fear-based, this one actually combines condoms with confidence, fun and sexiness.

The coolness doesn’t stop there. In addition to their “Bodega Nights” video series, the AHF also released a catchy party song. It is a condom-related parody of one of today’s global hits, Pharrell Williams’s “Happy”. The hope is to renew attention of the importance of safer sex in a way that will never go out of style.

Because I wrap it
Put it on and get in on, if that’s what you want to do.
Because I wrap it,
Cause you know that you are hot, and these condoms sure are cool.
Because I wrap it
Wrap it, put your hands up, and let yourself be free,
Because I wrap it
Just love your self enough to know that protection is the key.
– “Because I Wrap It” by Danny Fernandez

You can listen to the song and download the lyrics for your Karaoke pleasures here.

View more domestic and international Condom Day events here.

A Most Flattering Gesture

In my experience, no matter how far away condoms might be from your bed, or how much your partner might resist, they will appear with the right amount of insistence. I’ve witnessed many a human’s compliance to the condom rule, even when it meant traveling miles inclement weather naked.

Paranoia isn’t good for anybody, except when it comes to your sex life

I feel like I’m a testament to this fact; in the many years I’ve been having sex with numerous different partners, I’ve managed to stay STI free. I attribute this entirely to the fear-of-God that was instilled in me as a child in the 90’s.

Fear-driven sex ed

Yeah. Growing up during the AIDS epidemic meant the incantation of “safe sex” continuously echoing in your head as it was the key to (literally) staying alive. Once I came into my adulthood and starting having sex, I never went without a love glove. How could I ignore the condom monocle donned by Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes? Hello– that stood for something.

TLC in the 1990's © Clemens Rikken / Sunshine / RetnaUK Image found on http://oneearcovered.tumblr.com/

TLC in the 1990’s © Clemens Rikken / Sunshine / RetnaUK Image found on http://oneearcovered.tumblr.com/

And there was no way the story of Magic Johnson’s carelessness could lead to other Johnsons infecting me — venereally. So, it’s been my deep-rooted paranoia coupled with my negative interest in ever getting pregnant, that has brought condoms onto every sexual scene I’ve ever encountered. Even when I’m on the pill. Even when it’s a monogamous relationship. I have even stuck to my latex guns in situations where there was a hottie with language barrier forcing me into one of the most bizarre game of charades I’ll probably ever have to play.

In my experience, no matter how far away condoms might be from your bed, or how much your partner might resist, they will appear with the right amount of insistence. I’ve witnessed many a human’s compliance to the condom rule, even when it meant traveling miles in inclement weather.

It was a late summer evening…

in New England and the sun was dipping behind the western treeline. Hoodies were pulled sloppily over the drunken heads of my friends to combat the chilling air. It was a last hurrah– one final party for everyone to say goodbye before they had to go back to their respective colleges. Beers were cracked, the bonfire lit.

Normally I’d be just as absorbed in the raucous laughter and over-the-top stories but that particular night I was distracted– by an overwhelming sense of lust. My loins felt as smoldery as the burning embers of the campfire. Kind of distracting. But piping hot-crotches are what happens when you’ve been silently nursing a crush on a friend for weeks.

I had known Michael for ages, but this summer felt different. He seemed grown up. Tan and muscled from gardening. Very nice indeed. I had been drooling over this new version of my friend all through July and August, convinced some days that he felt the same way. Others that he didn’t see me as anything but his kid sister.

As it turned out, I wasn’t crazy. All the tension I had been feeling, all the “vibes” I thought I was drowning in, were confirmed in a single moment. Sitting kitty-corner to me around the bonfire, Michael put his hand on my knee. Our eyes met and he smiled mischievously. It was on.

When the party moved inside, Michael grabbed my hand and led me to his bedroom at the far end of the house. We wordlessly shared drunk, slobbery kisses in the manic way two people do when they’ve been waiting too long to jump each other’s bones.

Things escalated quickly and it wasn’t long before we were in a naked tangle on his bed. He attempted to take it one step further before I stopped him.

“Dude,” I stuttered. “What about a… you know?”

“Are you sure?” He asked, obviously disappointed. The mood felt a bit broken.

“Yeah, I’m sure!” I said incredulously.

“I’ve got some in the car, but that means going through the living room…”

“And then everybody’s going to know,” I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want our roll in the hay to be the fodder for all of our friends either. “Ok, well maybe we should just do it another time.”EmilyStoryIllus-1

“No, no, no.” Michael’s mind seemed to be working frantically now. Condom = penis in vagina. “I’ll be right back.”

EmilyStoryIllus-2With the agility of a cat, he quickly leapt up onto windowsill, popped out the screen and dashed out into the night. As I watched his bare ass glisten in the moonlight, I couldn’t help but smile.

EmilyStoryIllus-3Nothing makes you feel quite as desired as someone who’s willing to run naked through the woods to get a condom.

Condom monologues are independent personal stories. The opinions shared are the writer’s own.

Why Condoms Get a Bad Wrap: Renewing emphasis on pleasure

Is it correct to suggest that condom-bashing is more common than condom-loving?  From personal experience, when I speak with people about safer sex the following is often used to describe condoms: “It keeps my partner and me from getting close”, “It disrupts intimacy”; “…It’s unnatural”, “…a mood killer”, “I can’t feel anything with a condom on”, “it hurts”, or “I can’t get off with condoms”.  Sound familiar?  In fact, rarely do I hear positive things like, “I love using condoms!” and “Condoms make me horny!”

Some argue that male condoms simply suck. Period. Others point to social attitudes as the greater problem and that people are trained to hate condom, states Debbie Herbenick in The Daily Beast.

Can new condoms solve the Condom Problem?

Why do condoms get a bad rap?Of course, sexual pleasure and condom use warrant serious discussion. According to a 2013 survey, only 60% of teenagers claim to use condoms regularly. And condom use declines as people grow older.  Much media praise is pouring over the “Grand Challenge” pitched by the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation to develop a “next-generation condom that significantly enhances or preserves pleasure.”  Thousands have applied for the $100,000 prize grant.  It’s got people talking (again) about widespread dissatisfaction with existing condoms.

There’s been ideological backlash from condom defenders.  Reported in an article by Slate.com, the Gates’ competition is razzed by Gwaker and Salon, who have labeled condom complainers as “creeps” and “pervs” that are just “whining”. But these righteous attacks do not help.  In fact, their points only reinforce shame around sexual pleasure, thus hindering discussions about sexuality and sexual health.

Fingers are also pointing at condom researchers for overlooking the importance of pleasure and narrowly focusing on disease prevention and risk, as assistant professor Joshua G. Rosenberger told The Daily Beast. The narrative surrounding the Gates’ competition has reinvigorated the pleasure factor, but honest discussion about condoms should not end there.

Pleasure-focused condoms already exist!

What’s overlooked in this media coverage is that condom companies have focused on pleasure for decades! One need not look further than the crowded condom market to see where emphasis lay. Navigating through all the pleasure bumps, pouches, dual action lubricants, and “twisted” pleasure condoms can be a confusing (and fun!) task. This is not to deny that there are limits in male condom choice (not to mention severe limits of dams and female condoms!).  Indeed, most are latex based. Non-latex is more expensive and difficult to find off-line (see our post about buying condoms online). And all existing condoms roll on and off in the same way (although prototype Origami condom might change that).

There is more to condom use than bananas

Another aspect overlooked in discussions of condom hate is the way in which students are introduced to and informed about condoms in sex education.  Condoms talk is often devoid of any discussions regarding pleasure. But instead of limiting condoms to banana demonstrations, educators and prevention providers can play a valuable role by explaining some special condom features that already exist to suit individual needs, including allergies, lubrication, the health warnings of n-9 spermicide, flavors, and different condom shapes and sizes.

The point is that there are thousands of condom types already.  What we need is pleasure-inclusive sex education so that young people and adults access information about options, how to find the right condom, and different ways to use condoms well.  This can help increase consistent and correct use, hence reduce health risk while nurturing healthy and satisfying sexual lives.  Everyone wins!

Condom haters are in the minority

There is plenty of alternative evidence out there to suggest that the physical differences between unprotected sex and sex with a condom are minor to non-existent.  The Kinsey Institute’s annual National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (2011) found that adults who use condoms for penetrative sex tend to report the same degree of sexual pleasure as those who have sex without condoms. Another study that measured physical sensation (and only physicality- excluding other factors like perceived trust or sexual history, etc.) found that most men do feel a slight decrease of sensation with a condom.  However, if used and fitted correctly, a condom should never decrease a man’s sensitivity to the point of pain, numbness, or loss of erection. For women, it is rare to experience any dulling, which (as Scarleteen wisely points out) is not surprising, because the vagina has far less nerve sensory compared to the clitoris and frenulum, and therefore is less receptive to finer differences like skin compared to latex. Yes, there are women and men who experience physical irritation, drying, gross tastes and weird smells.  But there are ways to overcome these problems. It’s not like safe sex is a chore that one just has to deal with! 

Understanding sexual pleasure

i love youThere’s the argument that people are trained to hate condoms. Check out our post about the lack of positive representations of condoms in popular culture and entertainment. From our searches, we could not find any peer reviewed scientific studies that conclude that condoms severely detract from physical sensation.  We did find studies- including Randolph et. al. (2008), Mizuno et. al. (2007) and Boston University School of Health Our Bodies Ourselves Collective (2011)– in which more men than women reported that condoms did cause sex to feel “less good”. However, all three studies find that those who report negative feelings towards condoms are people who rarely use them. This seems like an obvious finding, but what’s more nuanced here is that those who believe this is so tend to be less-experienced with condoms (some of which have no actual experience). While many people do report that unprotected sex feels better than protected sex, in general, people who use condoms frequently and are confident about how to use them well tend to experience greater satisfaction with protected sex then those who do not use condoms.

This implies that sexual pleasure when using condoms cannot simply be reduced to basic physics of vaginal or penile sensation.  Of course, “sexual pleasure” is a fluid concept that means many different things to different people in different contexts.  There is more to consider when measuring degrees of satisfaction and pleasure than just what a condom touches, such as how we feel emotionally and intellectually about ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and sex as an integral part of life. Many studies argue that attitudes and beliefs toward condoms greatly influence one’s experience of using them.  So, it may be fair to say that claims of “not feeling anything” have more to do with lack of experience using condoms (lack of experimenting), or not using them properly.

The catch is that when people know what type of condom they like, know how to use them correctly, consistently, and different ways to increase sensuality (i.e. experimenting with lubes, ribbed condoms, having a partner put on the condom for you), there is greater overall satisfaction.  As Heather Corinna writes, “…it’s the people who don’t use them at all that tend to complain about them the most.” Thus many people’s negative attitudes place them in a self-perpetuating cycle: If you approach condom use with pessimism, then you set yourself up for aversion.  This cycle will discourage from experimenting with different condoms and discovering what types and lubricants you like, and what methods are most comfortable and exciting; in general, it’s the mind set that is often the mood-killer.

How to make condoms sexy

The Next Generation condom is a positive competition that will hopefully lead to innovative and improved technology.  But this alone cannot solve public perceptions and negative sentiment towards condoms. In another post, we have suggested that media, from soap operas to popular how-to magazines to porn must include more positive representations of condoms for vaginal, anal, and oral sex to help normalize safe sex.  We also suggest basic condom usage techniques and ways of making condom usage a sexy part of sex, rather than a disruption. And of course, access to education and knowing which condoms suit one’s individual needs (and their sexual relationships) is vital to loving the glove.  Here is our fitting guide to help those who experience particular fitting problems.

Tell us what you think from your experience or teachings.