LGBTQ-Logue 002. “So, are you dating anyone.”
“Nope.” I shamelessly replied.
“Well that’s not good.” my bishop said.
“I don’t want to date anyone.”
Then my bishop looked at me, “Do you experience feelings of same-gender attraction?” What?! All I said is I don’t want to date anyone, how does he…? ‘This is real. Oh gosh, this is very real.’ I paused a good while. I looked at my bishop and in a weak voice replied, “Yeah.” I had never wanted to die more than that moment. Finally realizing the fact. Affirming the fact. Loathing the fact. Breaking through the denial was almost more than I could take. A few words were exchanged and then my bishop looked at me and with genuine empathy said, “That sucks.” – A Gay Mormon Coming Out, Jimmy Hales
Coming out can be a big event- or not. It is a process that’s as individual as you are. And so are the ways of remembering and expressing what coming out is like. Jimmy Hales (blogger and student at the Mormon university BYU) decided to “come out” publicly through video. And a very entertaining video indeed.
Over the course of a year, Jimmy recorded the reactions of his “coming out” to his sister, mother and friends. Many of them don’t believe him at first. Some say they’ve had their suspicions. Overall, it’s an upbeat and chipper mini-doc. And it works to address some fears and misconceptions about coming out and about homosexuality. On his blog, Jimmy explains that he wanted to show others (gay or not) that a Mormon “coming out” isn’t that bad. It can be positive. He also explains how the Church excludes non-heterosexuals by not addressing what is expected of a gay member of the church. Do the rules of celibacy apply to gays? He had to search long and hard and alone for answers.
We thought this was an important memento to share for #2 of the LGBT-Logue Series because there are virtually no representations of -and by- openly gay young Mormons. Do enjoy.
“The archives of lesbian culture…created four years after Stonewall, owes, at least for my part, it’s creation to that night and the courage that found its voice in the streets. That night, in some very deep way, we finally found our place in history. Not as a dirty joke, not as a doctor’s case study, not as a freak- but as a people.” – Joan Nestle, Co-founder of Lesbian Herstory Archives (Remembering Stonewall, aired 1989 on PBS Radio).
For some, modern history is indexed by the pre-Stonewall and post-Stonewall eras. The 1969 Stonewall Upraising is marked as the first time the LGBTQ community resisted routine police raids and arrests at a time when it was illegal for queers to congregate in public.
All great movements require catalyst- whether it’s premeditated or unplanned- a bandwagon that cements conviction in the will of those affected by injustice; when people discover they are not alone. What starts a movement will be determined by different (sometimes opposing) perspectives, most of which will never be recorded in popular history. Stonewall is one of those seminal events in which thousands who were involved (directly and indirectly) have never had their experiences recognized in official documentation…until 20 years later. StoryCorps founder David Isay with Michael Scherker produced the first documentary of any medium about the Stonewall uprising.
This radio documentary premiered on NPR’s All Things Considered Weekend Edition in 1989. It records multiple testimonies of the event including drag queens who stood up to police, a police marshal who led the raid, and young activists who founded the Gay Liberation Front on the third night of the Stonewall Riots. You can listen and download the broadcast for free at Sound Portaits.org and read the entire transcript here.
The recording begins with participants describing what it was like to be “gay” in the 1960s, before Stonewall.
JOAN NESTLE, Co-founder of Lesbian Herstory Archives: [T]here was regular weekend harassment, which would consist of the police coming in regularly….[I]n the Sea Colony, we had a back room with a red light. And when that red light went on it meant the police would be arriving in around ten minutes. And so we all had to sit down at our tables, and we would be sitting there almost like school children, and the cops would come in. Now depending on…which cop was on, if it was some that really resented the butch women who were with many times very beautiful women, we knew we were in for it because what would happen is they would start harassing one of these women, and saying, ‘Ha, you think you’re a man? Come outside and we’ll show you.’ And the woman would be dragged away. They’d throw her up against a wall and they’d say, ‘So, you think you’re a man, let’s see what you got in your pants.’ And they would put their hand down her pants.
SEYMOUR PINE, Deputy Inspector of the NYC Public Morals Squad: “[Before Stonewall] you tell [patrons in gay bars] to leave and they leave, and you say show me your identification and they all take out their identification and file out and that’s it. And you say, okay, you’re not a man, you’re a woman, or you’re vice versa and you wait over there. I mean, this was a kind of power that you have and you never gave it a second thought.
SYLVIA RIVERA, Transgender activist: The drag queens took a lot of oppression and we had to…we were at a point where I guess nothing would have stopped us…we were ladies in waiting, just waiting for the thing to happen.
Those who witnessed and participated in the riot recount the electricity felt in the air as eight police officers arrived at the Stonewall Inn at midnight June 27th, 1969. They describe fire, anger, joy, beatings- by police batons and high heels alike.
BIRDY, Protestor: My name is Robert Rivera and my nickname is Birdy, and I’ve been cross-dressing all of my life. I remember the night of the riots, the police were escorting queens out of the bar and into the paddy wagon and there was this one particularly outrageously beautiful queen, with stacks and stacks of…Elizabeth Taylor style hair, and she was asking them not to push her. And they continued to push her, and she turned around and she mashed the cop with her high heel. She knocked him down and then she proceeded to frisk him for the keys to the handcuffs that were on her. She got them and she undid herself and passed them to another queen that was behind her.
RIVERA: I remember someone throwing a Molotov cocktail. I don’t know who the person was, but I mean I saw that and I just said to myself in Spanish…’oh my God, the revolution is finally here!’ And I just like started screaming ‘Freedom! We’re free at last!’ You know. It felt really good!
Remembering Stonewall also offers rare insight and expression of how the revolutionary event impacted across personal lives and politics. For example, Gene Hardwood, who at the time of this recording was in a 60 year partnership with Bruce Merrow, explained,
GENE HARWOOD: When Stonewall happened, Bruce and I were still in the closet, where we had been for nearly forty years. But we realized that this was a tremendous thing that had happened at Stonewall and it gave us a feeling that we were not going to be remaining closeted for very much longer. And soon thereafter, we did come out of the closet.
JINNY APPUZO: …In 1969 I was in the convent. And when Stonewall hit the press, it hit me with a bolt of lightening. It was as if I had an incredible release of my own outrage at having to sequester so much of my life. I made my way down, I seem to recall in subsequent nights being down on the, you know, kind of just on the periphery looking. An observer — clearly an observer. Clearly longing to have that courage to come out. And as I recall it was only a matter of weeks before I left the convent and started a new life.
PINE: For those of us in Public Morals [police division], after the Stonewall incident things were completely changed from what they had previously been. They suddenly were not submissive anymore. They now suddenly had gained a new type of courage. And it seemed as if they didn’t care anymore about whether their identities were made known.
We were now dealing with human beings.
As shown by Stonewall and earlier campaigns against police raids and entrapment, NYC has a fraught history of with the LGBTQ communities. While great gains have been made, LGBTQ people, and particularly LGBTQ people of color, continue to be targets of police profiling and abuse. This includes profiling transgender women as sex workers, “gender checks”, physical and sexual abuse, and detention of transgender people under dangerous conditions. Check out LGBTQ-logue 003 for narrative accounts of LGBTQ interactions with the NYPD in present-day Jackson Heights, Queens.
Condom Monologues is thrilled to announce that our Condom Size Chart is up-to-date! This is our most popular post so we think it crucial to keep it spick and span. It includes objective measurements researched by CM’s staff of all the latest condom products from North America’s top three brands: Trojan, Durex and LifeStyles. And we provide links to other works at CM depending on how in-depth you want to know your condom before using.
This is not a company endorsement. We do not cater support for one condom company over another. Instead we offer this as a map to help guide through the frustrating aisle of condoms where each product self-proclaims to be the “Thinnest”, “Most Sensitive”, “Ultra Pleasure” out there. We hope this size chart continues to help find suitable condoms and experience new pleasures.
The reason so many guys ask, What Condom Size Am I? is because condom sizing and how to measure ourselves is not very clear. There is no such thing as one-size fits every individual or couple.
And yet using the right condom is essential. The wrong size increases the risk of breakage, slippage and discomfort. Experimenting and finding the correct condom is the difference between those who enjoy sex with condoms and those who hate them and use them inconsistently, putting themselves and others at risk of STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
What Condom Size Am I?
The first thing you need to do is measure the size of your penis. This isn’t hard (but your penis must be to get correct measurements!). There are three main measurements you need to take. First, from the base of your penis which is the part where the condom would stop rolling (no need to put the condom over your testicles!) and measure up to the tip of your penis….This is your length.
Then measure the girth of your penis at the mid-point of the shaft. You can wrap a tape measure around the shaft or you can use a string and then measure the string with a ruler.
Most condom widths are measured by the condom laying flat (it is not the circumference). Condoms are designed to fit securely while forming the body shape. The base width should be less than half the girth of your penis size by about half an inch (13mm). Therefore to know if your girth will fit a condom width simply divide your penis circumference by 2.25 (In this post we explain how we got this formula).
(Most links are internal links to our site. External links to condoms may be affiliate links that earn us a small commission. This is not a company endorsement).
What Sizes Exist?
Now you have the measurements you can go over to our Condom Size Calculator. There you will find measurements for each condom brand and be able to find your size and compare what exactly “Snug” “Regular” and “Large” mean. We also offer updated size charts based on the top sold brands: Trojan Condom, Lifestyles, Durex, Kimono, ONE Condoms and Caution Wear. More brands to come!
The average condom length in North America…
is 7.5″/190.5mm. Since a vast portion of men are between 5.1″ – 6.5″, most do not need to be concern with length. If length is your concern, check out our condom fitting solutions chart for recommendations to specific needs.
Girth or “thickness” is crucial. The average condom is made to fit a 4.8″- 5.2″ erect circumference. In condom terms, that equals approximately 2.0″/50.8mm-2.2″/55.8mm base wide (remember, width is measured by the condom lying flat).
General, rule of thumb: If you measure less than 4.8 inches girth, go with a snugger fit. Fit you are greater than 5.2 inches, select large condoms, such as SKYN Large, Durex XXL, and Magnums.
Shape Matters
However, this does not solve all problems. What if you are skinny and long, short and wide? You will also need to think about shape and material (latex, polyisoprene, etc.), especially if you find you’re in between sizes.
A common complaint is that condoms are too tight around the head. So, many condoms companies have now designed condoms with oversized head room, including flair shape design and extra bulbous head. Here are the top North American brands:
There are two new non-latex options available now. Polyurethane was first introduced by Durex in the 1990s. This material is less elastic than latex and polyisoprene, and is slightly thinner. So it can be ideal for those who prefer less skin-tight condoms that clings to every contour of his tool, and instead prefer a bit of give in the condom.
The most popular polyurethane condom in North America is Trojan Supra.
Polyisoprene is the latest non-latex material for male condoms, introduced by Lifestyles in 2008. This material is more soft, elastic and form-fitting than both polyurethane and latex. This material is ideal because it can stretch more comfortably over shapely parts of the penis. So this may be a better option if you are in between sizes then the uniquely shaped condoms. Polyisoprene is available in North America by Durex Avanti Bare and Lifestyles SKYN.
Practice Makes Perfect!
The best thing to do is keep experimenting to find the best condoms for you (and your partners).
Just make sure you don’t engage in oral or penetrative sex if a condom does not fit! So, firstly, answer the question “What Condom Size Am I?” for yourself and then check against the size charts and get a hold of your best fit.
Let us know if you have any questions at all and we will always do our best to fully answer them. Don’t be embarrassed. Use a fake name if you really need to. We will never judge you for your questions.
Thanks for reading and we hope this article helped.
If you enjoyed the article “What Condom Size Am I?” Join us on Facebook or Twitter @CondomMonologue for more.
We are celebrating Valentine’s Day 2013 by acknowledging some of the most lavish, smart, and intriguing safer sex resources out there and giving them our thank yous for their hard work.
For safer sex guidelines we applaud and recommend you check out the following…
Planned Parenthood: A non-profit health organization that offers reproductive health care and advice on contraception, safe sex, and family planning. They’ve been around since 1939 and in many cases are the only place where one can access birth control, STD/STI testing, sex education, couples counseling, etc.
The Body: A medically-based HIV/AIDS resource in the US which provides information on everything one needs to know about HIV/AIDS, including advice on prevention, HIV testing, treatment, safely navigating a mixed-status relationship, HIV/AIDS policy and activism, and the latest research on HIV/AIDS and other STDs. This humongous site offers everything from Blogs, podcasts, bulletin boards, “Ask the Experts” forum, first-person stories and interviews, conferences and news coverage, and library resources.
SEX ETC: Who better to understand high school sex politics than the peers who are living and experiencing it themselves. The blog, magazine, and stories on this site are written by and for teens and young adults across North America. It provides different media to engage with sexual health info, such as videos about safe sex, forums where teens can participate and moderate discussions with other teens, a 400 words sex glossary, a state-by-state reference to info on birth control, health care access and your rights to sex education in “Sex in the States” guide, and a range of surveys and guides to sex ed activism.
Scarleteen: A progressive sex-ed site written for teens who are female, male, genderqueer; gay, straight or somewhere in between. It provides over 200 articles about sex, health, and relationships, covering everything from STIs to sexual orientation, body image, self-esteem, to birth control, masturbation, misogyny, sexual abuse, and technical advice from French kissing to BDSM. The site also provides interactive question-answer-discuss services, including their new live help feature providing safe, anonymous live chats with Scarleteen’s staff and volunteers.
SEX-ED LOOP: Another great resource for teens, based in Chicago, that gives up to date information on sexual health, rights, and identity through a range of social media channels including a weekly text messaging service and clinic finder that will identify health care services throughout Chicago. Also provides helpful articles about gender identity and sexual orientation.
HIV InSite:A non-commercial, well-established source developed by the Center for HIV Information at the University of California San Francisco. The site offers an extensive collection of original material including a complete textbook about the clinical management of HIV/AIDS. It is also a great resource for global HIV/AIDS research, statistics, and policy analysis.
Our Bodies Ourselves: A global non-profit that promotes evidence-based information on girls’ and women’s health. The information provided on the site is vast and includes excerpts from their famous book on reproductive health, as well as first-person blog stories that range from topics like body image, nutrition, menstruation, pregnancy and much more.
Well, that’s a handful of some of our favorite safer sex resources from sound sexual health organizations. Do you have any resources to share? Please let us know in the comments below!
A site about condoms and condom stories is never complete, and neither is the lavish, outlandish history of the device. It’s history is full of insights into human character with all its flaws and foibles.
The invention of the latex condom is relatively new in modern history. However, the principle to protect against sexually transmitted diseases and infections (STIs) dates back to at least 1,000BC (Perera, 2004: 95). Ancient Egyptians were protecting themselves with linen sheaths from a parasitic disease known as Schistosomiasis. Anthropologists have also found evidence of female condoms to prevent pregnancy. The Petri Papyrus of 1850BC lists several female condoms, one of which was crocodile’s dung cut up on auyt-paste and inserted into the vagina. In fact, animal dung was used as a female contraceptive across many societies. The Aztec Badianus manuscript of 1552 explains, “and you shall put into the vulva the crushed herb of the calabash or cucurbita root and eagle’s excrement.” Dung stuffed linen aside, the one devise that could protect against both STDs and pregnancy wasn’t produced until 1855 during the industrial revolution and the advent of vulcanized rubber.
Of course, when safer sex first became a known practice in ancient societies, the scientific frameworks for understanding biology, medicine, sexuality, and public health were vastly different. Hippocrates, the father of western medicine once stated, “After coitus if the woman ought not to conceive, she makes it a custom for the semen to fall outside when she wishes this” (R.I.Chalmers, 1987)… pause … blink … isn’t this reminiscent of the 2012 Teaparty Candidate Todd Akin’s infamous statement that women’s bodies can prevent pregnancy in cases of “legitimate rape”?
Anyway, I’m not stating that the risks of unwanted pregnancies and transmitting or contracting STIs is significantly less in contemporary life because we may have greater public awareness and better medical technology. Rather it’s to recognize that health science and perceptions of “risks” and “healthy” sexuality are products of social contexts- its history and location, politics and economics- and therefore have a transformable quality. That’s what makes the story of the condom throughout human civilization so interesting; because, like a flirtatious cuttlefish, it morphs into so many different types, shapes, and sizes, not to mention the amount of knowledge, myth and stigma that have carried throughout its making.
Contraceptive Censorship
Just to mention a few effects of stigma: In 1873, the U.S. government illegalized the advertisement of any contraception. That same set of laws also allowed for the confiscation of condoms sent through the mail and banned the sale of any condoms in up to thirty states (Collier, 2007). Due to the belief that venereal disease was the price one paid for sinful choices, health experts from The American Social Hygiene Association objected to American soldiers being issued condoms- so during WWI they weren’t (Perera, 2004).
So what preceded the latex condom? As the most basic device for safe sex, different versions of the barrier method were utilized in most societies for millennium, and thus it is near impossible to account for all sexual practices, customs, beliefs, and attitudes. Here we take a glimpse into some western society habits in which the devise was made at the expense of sexual pleasure; almost all made with only hetero-male health and interests in mind; and certainly most practices kept in secrecy from public mind and records.
Medieval to Victorian, Dung to Intestine
The first western medical record of the condom is found in Gabriello Falloppio’s book on syphilis published in 1564 when the STD was a European epidemic. He details condoms that he made from linen sheaths dipped in salt and herbs and tied under the foreskin. Nothing in his records test comfort or sexual satisfaction, but we do know that animal intestines eventually became the superior condom material.
Users tended to hail from higher-income strata as condom were expensive and available only in boutique shops in the cities where seamstresses handmade each baudruches. Louis XVI could afford to have his animal-bowel condoms lined with velvet and silk. There were some available for those with less income if one was willing to buy second-hand. As Shyama Perera’s explains in her book Taking Precautions: An intimate history of birth control (2004), there was a “Miss Jenny” in 1820s London who hand-washed used condoms and resold them at a more affordable price.
The Rise of Rubber
By the 1850s, vulcanized rubber was invented and condoms started to roll out of factories. The process was labor intensive as each rubber condom was dipped in cement and then hand-shaped and smoothed by rubbing and trimming. It was also a major fire hazard because gasoline and benzene were used to suspend the rubber. Rubber condoms were reusable and had a shelf life of about 3 months making them more economical, but the “skin” condoms remained the preferred product for better comfort and sensitivity (keep in mind, lubricant wasn’t invented until 1957. Ouch!). Also, at this time, there were no standard quality control methods. According to condom historian, Aine Collier, some American factories sold their defective condoms at a cheaper price rather than discard them.
Another outcome of the Industrial Revolution was the beginning shifts of condoms away from a sign of wealth towards health. By WWI, the use of condoms was more prominent among European soldiers as the rate of STDs increased. Armed forces would distribute them for free to its members even in countries where condoms were illegal for the general population (the U.S. military did not catch on to condom sense until WWII).
Introducing Trojan Latex
In 1920, Young Rubber Company, the makers of Trojan, was the first to manufacture a latex condom, which was a great improvement from the rubber condom because they were easier and far less of a fire hazard to produce. Latex is also thinner, smoother, and stronger with longer lasting shelf life then rubber. By 1932, Europe’s first latex condom, Durex, was manufactured on conveyor system assembly lines, making them far less labor intensive nor subject to human error.
Marie Stopes’s first health clinic in London did make condoms readily available and was the only outlet from which women could buy them. However, the clinic encouraged women to use female contraceptive techniques, such as the cervical cap, rather than rely on protection made for men.
Quality Control
Stigma around the use of contraceptives continued and disinformation meant that not everyone trusted condoms. Of course, the lack of quality control specifications didn’t help. Perera (2004) documents rumors stating that Catholic factory staff would deliberately poke holes in condoms. The introduction of electronic testing machines helped eradicate rumors. By 1957, the manufacturing process advanced to dramatically reduce the amount of defective rubber and latex, and also allow the first lubricated condom on the market. It wasn’t until the 1960s that most countries in Europe and North America established a certification of national standard specifications for condoms manufacturers to follow.
What were once common problems of slippage and breakage are virtually obsolete with contemporary production. Today, different studies on latex condom breakage tend to reflect a breakage rate of around .4%, or only 4 breaks in every 1,000 uses. Which means that if a condom breaks than it is highly likely caused by user-error rather than manufacturer issues.
The Discovery of AIDS and Height of Condom Use
With industrialization, condoms increasingly became relied upon. Yet it wasn’t until the 1980s and 90s when HIV/AIDS was first declared a pandemic, that condoms became fervently promoted by governments and health organizations. Within the first year of the UK campaign, condom sales increase by 20%. 1988 was the first time in condom history in which condoms were the most popular birth control choice for British married couples. In the U.S., condoms ranked third in popularity among married couples, and a strong second among single women following the Pill.
The Femidom
It was during the time of the first HIV/AIDS crisis that the female condom was manufactured on a large scale despite many experts’ false and damaging advice that women were at “low risk” of contracting HIV. The Femidom, or FC2, is far more advanced than lemon halves used by ancients and cervical caps promoted in the 1920, which do not protect against STDs/STIs. The FC2 is a device made of polyurethane that is inserted into the vagina with a wide base that sits on the outer parts of the vulva. Besides allowing females to be in control of condom use, another advantage of the FC2, is that it can be inserted for up to 8 hours before sex- so no intermission needed for application.
Contemporary Condom Conundrum
The twenty-first century condom is produced by a greater range of manufacturers, non-profit organizations, and government programs around the world. Thanks to modern technological innovation, condoms are far more comfortable, safer, stronger, and smoother then Greek goat’s bladders or oiled silk paper. Who knows what the next advancement will be. There are reports of spray-on condoms in the midst.
The promotion and availability of condoms has also dramatically improved. Nowadays, condoms are typically displayed in public restrooms, supermarkets and pharmacies, or bought in bulk online without age restriction or parental consent required. And they are affordable enough to not need rinsing and re-using!
Condoms have reached a status of “common sense” for many. An American-based 2010 study by the Alan Guttmacher Institute found that the condom is the most common protection used at first intercourse (females 68% and males 80%).
However, the same study found that as individuals continue to have sex, their use of condoms decreases as they get older. The rate of STDs/STIs is extremely high among American youth: One in two sexually active individuals will get a STD usually before the age of 25. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation, two-thirds of all individuals who become infected with STIs in the United States are younger than 25 years old! The reason for this is because young people simply are not using condoms and other barriers consistently or correctly to protect themselves and their partners.
Want to see a visual account of condom history? Here is a mini-documentary (7:47min.) by Trojan to commemorate Condom Month (February, of course), and posted by Queerty Online Mag.
…So the condom campaign continues. History never ends. For a more on problems with condom use, read here about the case to include more condoms in everyday popular culture.
I’m sure you know, or at least have heard of someone who claims that condoms make sex feel less good. Condoms (and other safe sex tools) don’t have the best reputation. It doesn’t help that we rarely see safer sex happening in media representations of sex that is hot, fun, or romantic. But it doesn’t have to be this way. As we’ve discussed elsewhere, there is no solid empirical evidence to back up negative claims about condoms. Studies find that people who use condoms correctly and are used to using them tend to report greater pleasure with protected sex than those who go without protection.
This does not mean that people on an individual level do not experience problems when enjoying protected sex. There is a difference between knowing how to put on a condom and knowing how to use them well. That is why it tends to be people who use them often and consistently that report greater sexual satisfaction. It takes practice and know-how to feel confident and learn what feels good for you and partner(s). Condoms can add a playful and sexy dimension to sex but, as with anything sexy, you need a positive attitude and a dash of creativity. In this post, we offer some ways to help spice up condom use.
In sum, the main tricks to loving the glove are:
1) Communicate 2) Take turns putting it on 3) Practice 4) Be prepared 5) Be playful and have fun 6) Lubricant! 7) Be aware of condom sizes and experiment with different ones
For more on these points, continue reading. Warning: explicit, NSFW illustrations below.
Before we begin, the basics of condoms should be known. Check out our user manual. Once you understand these essential steps to condom care you can explore ways that may enhance sexual pleasure and make condoms a part of sex- rather than a disruption to it.
This post focuses on condom use for penis and sharing sex toys, but some tips here can also apply to safer anal and vaginal oral sex using barriers including condoms, dental dams, cling film saran wrap, or latex/nitrile gloves. For more info on protective lesbian sex check out this sex column. For specifically gay protective sex info, the Gay Men’s Health Charity is an excellent resource. (Some links are affiliate links that earn us a small commission).
Introducing condoms to partners
This isn’t something that should feel awkward no matter how casual or serious your relationship. It can be as simple as just stopping what you are doing and handing over a condom. Sometimes you won’t need to say anything at all. Or, as suggested by Robin Mandell at Scarleteen, when you feel the heat turning up and sex might happen, take a quick break and retrieve condoms from wherever you keep them (ideally with easy access- discussed below). You can say something as casual as, “No pressure. I just wanted to get these out just in case we need them.”
Condoms do not keep people from getting close- Silence does.
Asking someone to use a condom is to show care for the well-being of you both. Communication really is key and talking about sex might mean explaining what you like, what’s your favorite position, or how to use condoms and use them in ways that work for you both. Talking together about these things will cultivate intimacy and deepen your bond (not hinder it!), because you are sharing the responsibilities of sex and caring for each other.
Great sex is about sharing control
As Heather Corinna explains, this is something that safer sex can help support. Learning how to discuss condom usage and exploring sexy ways to put on a condom and what feels good together will make talking about other facets of sex a lot easier, such as how you’d like to try something new. This also means that both people are making decisions and choices which are fundamental to both amazing sex and healthy sexuality.
Take turns putting on barriers
Related to the above- condoms can be a lot more erotic when one partner puts it on the other. There are many ways to turn up to heat with a condom. When done in a deliberately slow manner with some stroking, teasing, eye contact, putting on a condom can be exciting.
You can put the condom on together. For example, one person takes the condom out of its package and places it over the head of the penis (make sure that you unravel it right-way down, not inside out). The other person pitches and holds onto the reservoir tip of the condom as the other unrolls it down the shaft of the penis with one (or two hands). This not only turns up the heat, but also ensures confidence in both actors that the condoms is put on correctly.
Practice Makes Perfect
Learn how to put it on. You can use the ol’ fashion banana, or the aid of a dildo or willing partner to practice how to unravel the condom. It should unroll downward to the base without too much pulling or stretching. If any exertion is needed to get the condom to the base then it is probably the wrong size. Practicing by yourself will relieve any worry about losing an erection or the uncomfortable pressure of being judged on your condom skills. Ladies and guys, you can always practice when you masturbate. This will also help you learn your pleasure spots and what feels best with protection. Or practice with your partner. When the time is right, either you or the other can put on the condom, so it’s good for everyone to knows how. For many couples, this also helps to naturalize the process. It’s not about “making” a guy do something; it’s about something people do together for each other.
Be Prepared
One of the great advantages to condoms is that they are readily available for anyone to buy without a prescription and they are relatively cheap- even free at some health clinics like Planned Parenthood. So equipping yourself with this contraceptive takes far less time, research, and planning.
Also, it will help things run a whole lot smoother and greatly reduce the buzz-kill if you can reduce condom-hunting time. So keep condoms (and lubricant) in a dedicated, handy place next to your bed where you are sure to find it.
Be playful
Keeping condoms in an easily accessible place is helpful, but that does not mean that it is always best to rush through the process of putting one on. Great sex is to have fun with it. When you introduce condoms have a sense of play. And if things get awkward as you’re learning how to do safe sex, let yourself laugh about it. This helps take the pressure off.
Buy some glow-in-the-dark condoms and leave your partner in suspense until the lights go out! Or incorporate condoms into erotic foreplay. Try slipping it on his penis with your mouth. If you are using gloves, get some props and play Doctor. Spice it up by carrying a condom with you in your handbag or pocket and discreetly show it to your partner to hint what’s on your mind.
Lubricant
This is really important. Especially, if you or your partners complain about reduced sensitivity, lubricant will improve sensation immensely. Put two drops of water-based lubricant inside the tip of the latex condom before putting it on. Even if dryness is not a problem for a person, lubricant that is made for condoms will lasts longer than the natural stuff.
Two points here. First, make sure your condom fits well. Condoms aren’t one-size-fits-all, and a condom that’s too small or too big is likely be difficult to put on, very uncomfortable, and much more likely to break. If you are not sure what will fit, check out our Condom Size Calculator. If you experience certain discomforts, such as condoms being too tight, or too long, we have suggestions at our condom guide. If you’re providing the condoms, it might be useful to have a variety of types and styles so you and your partner can choose what seems right. Variety sample packs can be found online, and at some drugstores.
Second point, if you are in a longer-term relationship, you have the advantage to experiment with different types of condoms and lubricants together to discover what suits you both best and have fun while doing it! There are many different styles of condoms out there from thin, to thick, to wider in certain spots, snugger in other spots, etc. There’s variety in texture: ribbed, studded, contoured, pouched; variety in non-latex condoms; and there is plenty of variety in lubricants that can enhance sensation dramatically. You could buy a variety pack of condoms to find the best ones. Or make a date out of it and visit a sex shop and choose together.
There are hundreds of sexy ways to put on a condom that do not interrupt the flow. Here are just two examples: Excellent hand-drawn illustrations that will no doubt spark ideas by custom condom size company TheyFit.com.
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If I haven’t convinced you yet about the sensual side of condoms, take this with you: Everyone needs to accept this reality. If you’re sexually active and not practicing safe sex then you are likely to transmit or contract a disease or infection. To prevent this from happening, to experience healthy fulfilling sexuality, you have to learn how to use protection.
This article aims to consolidate sizing info from leading brands. We hope to lessen the confusion over what’s “snug”, “regular”, and “XL”. Last updated: 14 February 2014
When it comes to condoms, fitting matters for effective protection and pleasure. Considering the array of choices and the fact that every penis is different, finding the right condom can be daunting (but also fun!). The best thing to do is experiment and keep an open mind to new brands, contours, textures.
Measurements here are from our self measurements or from our trusted affiliates at Lucky Bloke and Undercover Condoms. The reported width is measured by condoms laying flat, so it is not the circumference. To understand if your penis girth fits condom width simply divide your penis circumference by 2.25. How did we get this formula? Read this post for research details.
We also supply an ill-fitting solutions chart for those who find condoms tend to be too loose, too tight, too short or too long.
Now onto the condom size chart for major U.S. brands
(Sizes may vary by a few milimmeters but this should not affect fitting. Links to external sites may be affiliate links and could earn us a small commission. We are an independent collective. This is not a company endorsement)
Trojan is the number one US condom brand. Their website is a visual treat. However, sizing is not as comprehensive as Durex. They classify their condoms in Regular, Large and Extra Large. The shortest and most slender condom they offer is 7.9″/200mm long and 2.0″/52mm base width (which is the standard “regular” size for most condoms). The longest and widest Trojan size is Trojan Magnum XL, (8.3″/210mm long and 2.3″/58mm base width and a whooping 2.5″/64mm head width).
Below is a list of how each product fits under Trojan’s “Regular”, “Large” and “XL” scale. For more details on each Trojan condom, check out our Trojan Condom Size Chart.
The Legal Stuff: Age of consent and medical advice
The size charts are made for you to consult and hopefully find the brand that suits within your size range and needs. If you cannot find the answer to your question, just ask. But please be aware that we do not condone sexual activity of under-age males and females in state or country. Also, we are not medical professionals. We offer opinions from personal experience and research. Professional advice should always be sought.
Note: We bought these in New Zealand, but in North America they have blue colored packaging.
This is a great condom. Generally, I find Lifestyles tend to be a bit tight around the ring and difficult to roll down to the base. But the Micro-Thin fits like a (G)love! It unrolls ease every time with just the right amount of stretch so there is not a lot of time spent making sure it’s on correctly. And no complaints in the sensitivity dept. I give the condom a 4 out of 5. The only reason it doesn’t hit top spot is because it has that slight latex scent that I dislike, which makes my want to try the polyisoprene version.
Laying flat, it’s measurements are
Length: 7.6in/193mm
Base width: 2.0in/50.8mm (this condom has the same width from the ring up until the reservoir tip).
(This is not a product endorsement! While some of our links are affiliate links that earn us a small commission, Condom Monologues is an independent, grassroots collective and we do not favor on brand or product for profit).
Note: We bought these in New Zealand, but in North America they have blue colored packaging.
This is a great condom. Generally, I find Lifestyles tend to be a bit tight around the ring and difficult to roll down to the base. But the Micro-Thin fits like a (G)love! It unrolls ease every time with just the right amount of stretch so there is not a lot of time spent making sure it’s on correctly. And no complaints in the sensitivity dept. I give the condom a 4 out of 5. The only reason it doesn’t hit top spot is because it has that slight latex scent that I dislike, which makes my want to try the polyisoprene version.
Laying flat, it’s measurements are
Length: 7.6in/193mm
Base width: 2.0in/50.8mm (this condom has the same width from the ring up until the reservoir tip).
(This is not a product endorsement! While some of our links are affiliate links that earn us a small commission, Condom Monologues is an independent, grassroots collective and we do not favor on brand or product for profit).