Thank you for your aesthetically appealing packaging.
Thank you for your thin, soft sheath.
Thank you for your flexible rings.
Thank you for your ample lubrication.
Thank you for not being tight and constricting.
Thank you for warming to my body temperature.
Thank you for your clitoral stimulation.
Thank you for shielding my external genitalia.
Thank you for not requiring an erection in order to stay in place.
Thank you for not requiring immediate withdrawal after ejaculation.
Thank you for allowing me to share responsibility for preventing infection and pregnancy with my partner.
Thank you for allowing me to be in control.
Thank you for allowing me to take back my sexuality.
How long is your list of gratitudes? To learn more about the awesomness of female condoms check out her coalition: National Female Condom Coalition.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
A guide to understanding how to convert penis size for best condom width.
Knowing condom size is one thing. Knowing what size best fits is another. Condom shopping is a daunting task no thanks to marketing gimmicks. Even looking past the clutter of overused adjectives like “thinnest” and “most sensitive”, you still need to decode the actual size dimensions (if they are labeled at all!).
Companies typically report the condom width only. This is determined by laying the condom flat, so it does not match penis circumference. So how are you sure that this one-dimensional measure will match your three-dimensional penis?
It’s not like you can take a box of condoms to the changing room and try one on before you buy.
One blogger has taken on this condom conundrum by collecting numerous studies. “Alex”, the creator of Condom Sizes & Facts, is not an expert, but he has organized findings from various scientific surveys to allow readers come to their own conclusions about condom sizing. We got the opportunity to ask Alex about some of his personal conclusions.
He breaks down three things you need the know about average penis size surveys before you start believing that you are abnormal, and he gives pointers to keep in mind when condom shopping. Also, he fine tunes the magic number 2.25 from our formula:
Penis girth / 2.25 = approx condom width
We begin with republishing this data from his blog. The table matches penis to condom size. From this data, you may understand why an “average” size man may fit a magnum condom. These numbers are approximate guides from the research on Alex’s blog. Fitting may vary depending on condom elasticity and personal preference. Affiliate links within.
Condom Monologues:First of all, how would you like to be credited?
Alex from Condom Sizes and Facts: That’s a perfect first question. I don’t want to be credited because I am not an expert. Data I have collected are public and I did not produce them. I barely used them to make my opinion and decided to share it.
CM: In your investigation into penis size, you explain that very few studies sponsored by condom companies actually produce sound scientific data. In fact, average penis size may be smaller and more varied than companies have previously reported. Please cite which penis size survey(s) you trust the most and why?
CSF: First I would like to be perfectly clear: penis size is not interesting “per se”, especially length, which is what most people mean when talking about size. You have 3 kinds of studies:
1) self-reported measurements: men report their penile dimensions. The averages are typically 15.6–16.6 cm for length and 12.2–13.6 cm for girth.
Examples: Kinsey study, Internet survey by Richard Edwards, Durex survey.
These studies are of poor interest and rather have readers feel inadequate due to the somewhat high over-estimates.
2) pharmacological measurements: measurements are conducted by researchers , either directly or by men after a proper training. The averages are typically 12.9–14.5 cm for length and 11.9–12.3 cm for girth.
They are of great value, but one needs to get the whole article to judge the quality: some have been performed on men with erectile dysfunctions, some use a very small sample, where representation is heavily questioned, methods of measurements often vary (base, mid-points, under the glans, “bone pressed” or not), or the measurement itself is different (width, circumference, and mode of erection).
3) The last kind is a hybrid between a) and b). These are the self-reported studies where:
the sample has been carefully selected (or big enough to cancel the possible bias),
a harmonized measurement method is clearly explained to ensure standard practices and avoid inconsistencies, men are motivated to measure their penis carefully and to report accurate data.
The averages are typically 13–14.2cm for length and 12–12.2 cm for girth.
The Herbernick and TheyFit studies are good examples. Their values reside in the huge samples from which they get the data.
There is no survey I trust the most. Rather, it is the consistency through the various serious surveys which should be trusted.
CM: In order to determine proper condom width, would you recommend dividing penis circumference by 2.25? How do you arrive at this approximation? And what do people need to consider about elasticity?
CSF: Actually, researchers (Gerofi for example) have come to the conclusion that a condom should be stretched about 10 to 20%. This, translated in ratio between penis circumference and condom width gives a 2.2 (10%) to 2.4 (20%) division factor.
2.25 represent a 12.5% condom stretch. And to be perfectly honest, it is only my personal taste, with my preferred condom brand. I really don’t like condoms fitting too snugly, but I do want a minimum grip to ensure safety.
The above values are calculated from an average elasticity, one has to know that it is the consequence of 1) condom thickness and 2) latex recipe.
You may not know these parameters when buying a condom. But be sure they do vary a lot between brands and condom types because companies use different ingredients. For example: TheyFit recommends a 2.37 dividing factor for its condoms.
The most important thing to understand is that you can use these figures as a guidance, but be sure to do your own research and trials. Real experience should always be the deciding factor.
CM: What is the most surprising thing you’ve come across in your penis-condom size research?
CSF: Two things: Condom latex recipes change drastically and thus vary condom elasticity.
Second, like many men, I discovered late that the fitting problems I was experiencing were not “normal” (not just something I had to put up with) nor a consequence of an inadequate technique. I was truly surprised the first time I changed my condom size and discovered what a good fit could mean: no more anxiety, all gone in one breath!
Have comments? Questions? Still not sure what condoms will fit? Leave a note below or message us on FB or Twitter.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
I was out late with friends. I was 19-years-old and lit up with enough alcohol to make me silly, energetic, and flirtatious. I was flirting without aim – with female friends and male friends, and without thinking through intentions. I didn’t have any real design, I was just feeling good. We went from bar to bar. I was spinning and heady. At one point I remember grabbing a guy’s hand and running off, speeding the group along.
Later that night, I went back to my friend’s apartment. I was sleeping on her couch, or that was my plan. That is, until her upstairs neighbor, who was the boy whose hand I had grabbed, led me off to his bedroom. I was pliant and thoughtless; young and inexperienced.
In his bed, he kissed me. His hands started roving over my body. That sobered me up somewhat. Finally, I was thinking about where I was and what I was doing. And I didn’t want to be doing it. I pulled away and told him as much. To his credit, he did stop touching me. Not as much to his credit, he then preceded to beg. “Please,” he said. “You held my hand.” He waited. “Please, have sex with me. You held my hand.” I again told him no. He continued, “Please have sex with me!”
I’ve never felt so stone-cold and turned off. He wouldn’t relent. He pleaded, begged, and I finally realized I had to remove myself from the situation because he was not going to stop or accept my “no.” I left his room and went down to the couch at my friend’s place.
In the morning, I brought it up with her. She was not impressed – with me. Like him, she said, “But you held his hand. You flirted.”
And so I did. I wouldn’t say it was my most responsible night. I wasn’t thinking through my actions, their consequences, or what they might communicate to others. Some growing up has helped that sort of thing. But he was also not responding to me. Would he really want to have sex with a girl whom he badgered into it? Was the sex more important to him than my desire for it? I was lucky, in that my indiscretion led me to the bed of a rather sad, wheedling boy, and not an outright aggressive one. He wouldn’t let my “no” be, but other than attempting to force me with words, he didn’t force me. I left annoyed with him, sobered that he was so much more interested in having sex than whether or not I wanted to have sex- but otherwise unharmed.
I also left shocked at my friend, and that she would assert that any sort of flirtation amounts to a promise for sex; that the so-called promise obligates a woman to later deliver on that sex, no matter how she feels or what she wants; and also that flirtation justifies men to be pushy as they make their claim for what they feel they deserve, impervious to what the woman might want herself.
It was not the first time, or the last, that a boy would beg me to have sex with him, or tell me that I had effectively already made a promise of sex to him through my behavior.
In many of those cases, my behavior was far less promising and flirtatious than it had been on that night. For instance, one evening I watched a movie alone with a male friend. We talked, enjoyed the film, and he made a move. It was unwelcome, and I told him I wasn’t really into it. He wouldn’t accept my no, either. He grew increasingly belligerent about it as I continued to assert myself, saying that I was obligated to have sex with him since I’d watched the film with him. The night ended with me kicking him out of my house.
There are no promises in sex or love. Consent has to happen all along the way. And men’s desires don’t get to trump women’s desires. Unless both people are into it, and both people are saying yes, the situation sucks.
Monologues are independent stories and the opinions shared are the author’s own. Do you relate to this story? Share in the comments.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
We’re excited to kick off the interview series with a personable and fun blogger: The Sexpert. She knows first-hand the extraordinary role pleasure plays in health. Her conservative religious upbringing equips her with unique insight for dismantling psychological structures of shame. Her blog is a fortress of trust and anti-taboos. Just don’t say she “looks like” a feminist! (wink)…Here’s why.
1) Identify one or two trends, or influential people in the Sex Positive community that you identify with (or are inspired by) and those trends which you relate to not-so-much.
I really find the idea of feminist porn to be an important one. When you learn about the original debates within feminism in the 1970’s that regarded whether or not sex-positivity was acceptable to women, so much of the debate centered on pornography. For feminists to say that pornography is an acceptable expression of sexuality they must be willing to provide alternatives to a market flooded with porn containing themes that are degrading to our gender. It is for this reason that I particularly admire Jincey Lumpkin for her founding Juicy Pink Box (NSFW) and column of editorial pieces with the Huffington Post. I also think the Good for Her Feminist Porn Awards is another soldier in the fight for ethical pornography.
I was absolutely floored with love and admiration when I first saw the work of Sophia Wallace. The message behind her Cliteracy project is something I find truly inspiring and I make time to listen any time she is giving a media interview. My tank top purchased from her studio in Brooklyn is a prized possession of mine.
As far as my sex advice column gig, The Sexpert – it is clearly modeled after so many who have gone before me. As an aspiring therapist wishing to specialize in issues of sexuality it was a natural fit to want to support and educate those in the community who are dealing with confusion about their own sexual practices. A lot of friends have asked me if I want to be Dan Savage or Dr. Ruth. The answer is, if only!
Who am I not that thrilled with? People who focus on the bodies of feminists. What makes one look “feminist” is a woman’s ability to choose for herself! Feminism is for every body. It is for curvy, skinny, and in-between women. It is for waxed, shaved, and au-natural women. It is for butch women. It is for femme women. It is for CEO’s and stay-at-home moms. It is for pansexuals and asexuals. Feminism is for boys, the intersexed, and men. Feminism does not look a certain way.
The “feminist” Blurred Lines spoof really bothered me (Video). This is the first time I have said this publicly as I know it was being popularly circulated and many enjoyed it. I understand perhaps it was so ridiculous for the sake of satire – yes, I do understand what satire is. However, content like this supports the “angry feminist”/”feminazi” stereotype. Feminists have MUCH to be angry about (the song Blurred Lines being a great example), but feminists are not women who attempt to emulate patriarchal men. Feminism is not about women treating men the way patriarchal men treat women. This behavior defeats the social change feminism is fighting for.
2) How do you define “sex positivity” for yourself and your work? In other words, what is your primary passion and how do you distinguish your writings and interests from other branches of thought within the sex positive movement?
Sex positivity, for me, is advocating the view that sex is a natural, beneficial, and enjoyable part of life. The taboos, shame, and embarrassment that are placed on certain practices (or sex in general) throughout society are sex-positivity’s enemy. This is because they serve no helpful purpose to the individual. I will often reference my conservative religious upbringing, and yes, growing up in an environment where people had a narrow view of sex as the “passion” behind my sex-positivity. I have seen first-hand how being ashamed of the natural and inescapable part of your own humanity can damage you.
The reason for my curiosity on this topic were the inconsistent and conflicting messages the lifestyle I was raised in offered me from a young age. “God created sex; it is a wonderful gift.” “God created your body; it is a wonderful gift.” So why then are we only allowed to use these gifts in a restricted way? Someone said so and it wasn’t even the “God” who is supposedly being adhered to! Studying psychology and theology simultaneously just dug me in deeper with being forced to confront inconsistent messages about morality. I learned in psychology classes that empirical evidence suggests that people do not have a choice in their sexual orientation. I learned in theology classes that scripture should be interpreted while fully considering the author, the audience, and the cultural context in which it was written. So why was the message all around me so pervasive that sex had to look one specific way in order to escape an inherent shame? I had to form my own opinions because those offered to me by others did not seem to add up!
What’s more, I didn’t have people in my life who were able to set an example of celebrating sex. Once I broke away from the “Sex is only for heterosexual married couples” rule I had been taught as a child, I never the less was struck by the amazing force and power sex has! No it wasn’t glue that bound my soul to my spouse’s for eternity – but sex was still pretty damn amazing. I wanted to celebrate it and help others find means to give themselves permission to celebrate it as well.
I have always sought to keep my writing and social media outlets both fun and informative. Sex is meant to be fun and thus I see The Sexpert as needing to reflect that. I also think The Sexpert will lack purpose if it is not informative. As I mentioned, my heart goes out to those who are blindly in the dark about how great sex can be! My online presence is filling its highest purpose when it is helping someone in that predicament safely gain information they may not be getting from anyone else in their lives. I do my best to conceal my “real” identity because I think people have an easier time approaching a faceless “Sexpert” in cyberspace with what they perceive as their shameful and stigmatizing concerns. I would rather be of help where there is no help than gain any amount of notoriety. Perhaps things will change as my fan base continues to broaden and my professional credentials change – who knows.
3) What directions do you think sex positivity will take within the next 5 – 10 years? Or what topics and with what platforms would you like to see sex positivity develop more thoroughly within the next 5 – 10 years?
Ideally sex positivity would have an impact on society to change the way people are commonly educated about sex. I also would hope that different fields (medical, social, psychological, etc.) would expand their research efforts to include topics of sexuality and studies such as these wouldn’t have trouble finding funds. With more knowledge gained from research, the public could be supported with better information in regards to sex. I have seen that, socially, people are more open to discuss sex and their own pleasure. Items used for sexual stimulation are readily sold in unstigmatizing places these days (ie. Walgreens and Target vs. Adult Video Stores). This is a change that has taken place in my lifetime and it is my hope that society will continue onward down this path. Openness about sex for purposes of pleasure facilitates better quality and more useful conversations. That is part of what makes Condom Monologues so great! Nobody tells high school students how or what type of condom to use to enhance their sexual experience; just, “You better wear one!”
I think another helpful factor is that the public is more health conscious. Television shows like Dr. Oz, The Doctors, and Dr. Phil all air segments on sexual health from time to time. The truth about sex (and masturbation!) is that it supports physical, emotional, and mental health in countless ways. I hope with that truth being publicized it will influence more and more people to be able to see why sex is something worth celebrating! Sex deserves an honored and intentional place in our lives. A place where we can move and speak with confidence, creativity, and joyfulness.
The opinions shared are the author’s own. Interested in being a part of this interview? What is sex your positivity?
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
After my HIV diagnosis I basically shut down and withdrew from everyone for a long time while I struggled to make sense out of it, to understand what exactly HIV was and how I contracted it. I thought at the time it was a virus that affected only gay men, along with many other misconceptions I had read in the newspaper. My doctor, who was the only person I spoke to, suggested I meet a woman he knew who was also HIV positive. He explained that she did have a drug problem in the past but it was all behind her now. I declined the invitation initially because I did not think I had anything in common with the woman. But, after more encouragement from the doctor, I agreed to take her phone number.
I met Julia at her apartment where she lived with her girlfriend Barbara. They greeted me at the door and immediately asked if they could borrow twenty dollars. I gave them the money and Julia went downstairs to see her landlord. Throughout the evening Julia and Barbara made several trips downstairs to see the landlord and each time they came back upstairs, both women appeared to be high on some substance other than marijuana.
Eventually the landlord made an appearance wearing a pair of cowboy boots in the summer heat. He sat next to me on the sofa and started flirting with me, telling me I had nice legs as he stared at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I reassured myself all was well because he was a friend of Julia. Also, I got this referral from the doctor so they couldn’t be that bad.
Suddenly there was a knock on the door and a man burst in looking wired and out of control, on a chemical drug. He was in an agitated state and began screaming at the landlord to “give me my fucking drugs”. The landlord screamed back “you will get your fucking drugs when I get my fucking money”. The argument got so heated I was convinced one of them was going to pull out a weapon and someone was going to be seriously injured or killed.
To say I was afraid was an understatement, as I glanced around for a place to hide if shots were fired.
Eventually, the landlord reached into his cowboy boots and pulled out a bag of white powder and gave it to the guy, with some harsh words and threats. I peaked in the cowboy boots and noticed they were both stuffed with bags of white powder.
During the heated argument not only was I afraid about my safety and the safety of Julia and Barbara, I wondered whether the police were going to arrive. I imagined myself being led away in handcuffs during this drug bust, pleading with the officers, as I explained I was simply visiting these ladies for coffee. I even went as far in my paranoid state of envisioning my picture all over the local news and having to explain to family and friends what the hell happened as they nodded in disbelief.
Something like – “Sure Virgina, you were simply visiting for coffee when all of this went down”.
After the scene I was beyond relieved to get home and lock my door. That was many years ago. I sometimes think about Julia and Barbara and wonder how they are doing. In spite of being in a situation where I had never felt so terrified, I liked the women. They opened their home to me and shared their stories about HIV. We connected with each other on some level.
They called a few times afterwards and left messages on my answering machine at all hours of the night. I did not return the calls but now I wish I could speak to Julia and Barbara and say thank you for the hospitality, because all these years later, and after meeting many more HIV positive people, I realize we are in this battle together, regardless of who we are or where we have been.
Thank you, Julia and Barbara, for reaching out to me in a time of need.
Virgina
P.S. I did give my doctor a brief synopsis of the visit with Julia and Barbara. He quietly nodded and we did not talk about it again.
Monologues are independent stories. The opinions shared are the author’s own. For more information about living with HIV, check out Rise Up To HIV and be sure to watch the online documentary, Positive Women.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
Have condoms ever played a role in your relationship breakup? One Condom Monologuer reveals the mind changing powers a stolen box of 300 condoms can wield in unexpected ways, at least momentarily.
I wasn’t in love with my boyfriend anymore. I had been keeping it to myself for about a week and didn’t have the heart to tell him over the phone as we made plans for his upcoming visit. He was driving to stay with me in my cramped college dorm room in order to celebrate our much anticipated one year anniversary. The big to-do was less about commemorating the great times we’d shared over the past year and more a manner of awarding me credit for having survived dating this maniac for so long.
Boyfriend X wasn’t such a bad guy- just a very territorial one with impossible demands and little intention of letting me experience college life to its fullest (aka hanging up the phone to go make some friends for once!). The length of our relationship was chiefly indebted to our overpowering physical chemistry and how we spent about 90% of our time together naked. Our budding sex life obscured two people who were otherwise very confrontational and unhealthy together.
Our passionate escape from the reality of our situation was facilitated by my boyfriend’s job as a stock boy at Shaw’s supermarket.
In addition to great discounts on groceries, Boyfriend X’s employment gave him exclusive access to unguarded stock-room of condoms which he quickly made a habit of slyly stuffing into his coat pockets after punching out. After I successfully faked a weekend of anniversary merriment it finally came time to overcome the temptation of rampant sex-capades and the burden of guilt, and to simply end the strenuous relationship once and for all. Heart racing, I picked up the phone to call my soon-to-be ex-boyfriend. We greeted each other as per usual and just as I was preparing to drop the bomb he announced,
“Guess what?! I just stole an economy pack of condoms from Shaw’s! There’s like 300 in there! Now what did you want to tell me?”
I’m not sure what I felt worse about: not being able to do this in person, dumping him so suddenly right before the holidays, or having our break up coincide perfectly with his biggest heist yet. Nothing reminds you more that you got dumped than an unopened box of 300 condoms.
Monologues are independent stories. Opinions expressed are the writer’s own.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
I know it is possible to have good sex with a partner who is HIV negative. I did it for years. As I look back, the fear and frenzy about HIV transmission was more manageable back then, more so than now when the mere mention of HIV to potential sex partners causes them to behave in irrational and inconsiderate ways out of fear and hysteria. All of this to say, fear campaigns do not work, they do the opposite of what they were intended for. I can write forever about experiences but I do not want to bore anyone, so here are just a few from recent encounters.
1. I was pleasantly surprised when a man I met claimed he was comfortable with my status and wanted to pursue a relationship. Initially it went well but after a short while he began doing strange things, like checking to see if the condom was on during sex. That got frustrating when he upped the frequency so often that I wanted to scream – FORGET IT! How frustrating to be having sex, getting closer to an orgasm and him stopping the show to check the goddamn condom.
2. I met another man who claimed to be comfortable with my HIV status and after a great romp in the sack he promptly jumped up and washed his dick in the sink with hot soapy water. I don’t think the erection had subsided he was so fast. I walked out and never looked back on that one.
3. I can’t forget another experience with someone I had known for a long time who had not been aware of my HIV status. We decided to get intimate and he was shocked when I disclosed my status before hand. He mentioned how I did not look likeI had HIV. I really wish I knew how someone looks who has HIV. He did assure me he was comfortable and well informed about HIV; not to worry. The first time we had sex it was great. The next time he came over his pockets were filled with every brand of condom on the market, dental dams, latex gloves and whatever safe sex paraphernalia he picked up at the university health center.
I checked in with him and asked if he was still feeling comfortable because he sure didn’t appear to be. Being that I had an undetectable viral load and was regularly adhering to my meds, the risk of transmission was extremely close to non-existent and we talk about this. His answer was less than convincing, however, I decided to stop the craziness right then and there. I did not understand how we could have sex comfortably with him caressing me while wearing latex gloves. In the end, I suggested that he purchase an entire body condom, just to be sure. They must be available on EBay. Everything else is these days. This was a particularly sad situation because I lost him as a friend in the process. He left a message on my phone explaining how he could not cope with the fear of contracting HIV.
4. Now back to my HIV negative partner with whom I was in a monogamous relationship. We had the best sex for many years and at no time did he display any signs of being afraid of contracting HIV. He decided, after many discussions, and a visit to my doctor’s office to get the facts, that he was not going to use condoms. We learned that I was an extremely low risk for transmitting the virus and besides, we had been sexually active with no condoms and lots of sex for a year before I learned of my status. When I did get the diagnosis he was tested and the results were negative, as the doctor predicted. I cannot pretend I was completely comfortable with his decision as I strategically placed condoms all over the house and in the car, just in case we were stranded and wanted to have a quickie to pass the time. In the end I had to accept that it was his informed decision to not use condoms and he remains HIV negative today.
I am not encouraging people to have unprotected sex. I am not encouraging people to be reckless. I am encouraging people to use a bit of common sense. It is possible to have sex with a person who is HIV positive and not get infected. Circumstances vary for each couple. Depending on what is negotiated to protect one and other the sex can be great. I know first- hand and I long for the day when I meet someone who has the same understanding and lack of fear that my partner did in those days. Until then it looks like I am going to be having a lot more stories to tell that are less than satisfactory.
Yours unsatisfactorily,
Virgina
(Monologues are independent stories. Opinions are the author’s own). Got a question about HIV transmission and diverse-cordant couples? Ask us below. We also recommend following Shawn & Gwenn, a serodicordant heterosexual couple (Shawn is HIV postive, Gwenn is negative) that have been having great sex for over 13 years. Learn the facts.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
In my experience, no matter how far away condoms might be from your bed, or how much your partner might resist, they will appear with the right amount of insistence. I’ve witnessed many a human’s compliance to the condom rule, even when it meant traveling miles inclement weather naked.
Paranoia isn’t good for anybody, except when it comes to your sex life
I feel like I’m a testament to this fact; in the many years I’ve been having sex with numerous different partners, I’ve managed to stay STI free. I attribute this entirely to the fear-of-God that was instilled in me as a child in the 90’s.
Fear-driven sex ed
Yeah. Growing up during the AIDS epidemic meant the incantation of “safe sex” continuously echoing in your head as it was the key to (literally) staying alive. Once I came into my adulthood and starting having sex, I never went without a love glove. How could I ignore the condom monocle donned by Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes? Hello– that stood for something.
And there was no way the story of Magic Johnson’s carelessness could lead to other Johnsons infecting me — venereally. So, it’s been my deep-rooted paranoia coupled with my negative interest in ever getting pregnant, that has brought condoms onto every sexual scene I’ve ever encountered. Even when I’m on the pill. Even when it’s a monogamous relationship. I have even stuck to my latex guns in situations where there was a hottie with language barrier forcing me into one of the most bizarre game of charades I’ll probably ever have to play.
In my experience, no matter how far away condoms might be from your bed, or how much your partner might resist, they will appear with the right amount of insistence. I’ve witnessed many a human’s compliance to the condom rule, even when it meant traveling miles in inclement weather.
It was a late summer evening…
in New England and the sun was dipping behind the western treeline. Hoodies were pulled sloppily over the drunken heads of my friends to combat the chilling air. It was a last hurrah– one final party for everyone to say goodbye before they had to go back to their respective colleges. Beers were cracked, the bonfire lit.
Normally I’d be just as absorbed in the raucous laughter and over-the-top stories but that particular night I was distracted– by an overwhelming sense of lust. My loins felt as smoldery as the burning embers of the campfire. Kind of distracting. But piping hot-crotches are what happens when you’ve been silently nursing a crush on a friend for weeks.
I had known Michael for ages, but this summer felt different. He seemed grown up. Tan and muscled from gardening. Very nice indeed. I had been drooling over this new version of my friend all through July and August, convinced some days that he felt the same way. Others that he didn’t see me as anything but his kid sister.
As it turned out, I wasn’t crazy. All the tension I had been feeling, all the “vibes” I thought I was drowning in, were confirmed in a single moment. Sitting kitty-corner to me around the bonfire, Michael put his hand on my knee. Our eyes met and he smiled mischievously. It was on.
When the party moved inside, Michael grabbed my hand and led me to his bedroom at the far end of the house. We wordlessly shared drunk, slobbery kisses in the manic way two people do when they’ve been waiting too long to jump each other’s bones.
Things escalated quickly and it wasn’t long before we were in a naked tangle on his bed. He attempted to take it one step further before I stopped him.
“Dude,” I stuttered. “What about a… you know?”
“Are you sure?” He asked, obviously disappointed. The mood felt a bit broken.
“Yeah, I’m sure!” I said incredulously.
“I’ve got some in the car, but that means going through the living room…”
“And then everybody’s going to know,” I nodded in agreement. I didn’t want our roll in the hay to be the fodder for all of our friends either. “Ok, well maybe we should just do it another time.”
“No, no, no.” Michael’s mind seemed to be working frantically now. Condom = penis in vagina. “I’ll be right back.”
With the agility of a cat, he quickly leapt up onto windowsill, popped out the screen and dashed out into the night. As I watched his bare ass glisten in the moonlight, I couldn’t help but smile.
Nothing makes you feel quite as desired as someone who’s willing to run naked through the woods to get a condom.
Condom monologues are independent personal stories. The opinions shared are the writer’s own.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
That’s right. The overcrowded matrix of condom dimesions has been hacked and neatly reorganized by our techy team. Located in the top menu of our Home page under “Condom “Sizes”. This nifty tool allows you to custom search size, material, flavors, brands, etc., across 100 hundred condoms all in one place. It’s an upgrade from our archaic condom size charts in which you need to scrool lists and lists of products. The calculator does the searching for you and helps you pinpoint your preferences. Give it and try and let us know what you think! Updates and improvements are never ending. Go to the Condom Size Calculator.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
Today is the day to celebrate possibly one of the most important inventions since humans started having sex!
Global Female Condom Day (#GFCD) is taking place in over 50 countries across the world to raise awareness and tackle misconceptions about this safer sex option. This is crucial because it is the only protection of its kind that puts power in the hands of the receptive partner and prevents against both STIs and pregnancy.
Use this as your facebook cover page for the day. Learn more about how to participate by going to www.nationalfccoalition.org/gfcd
In North America, most cities will celebrate through community outreach and other educational activities. The makers of FC2 (the Female Health Company) have launched a text messaging program to help locate female condoms in the local area. People can text FC2condom to 877877 to find the nearest location to buy female condoms.
Some cities are also launching film screenings of the winners of the international “Female Condoms Are…” Festival. You can view these short films on PATH’s YouTube channel. Or you can vote for a fan favorite here.
Why is there #GFCD?
Despite being around for two decades, the female condom (aka “internal condom”) continues to live in the margins. It is rarely taught about in public school sex education and is not as readily available at local grocery stores like its male counterpart. Access and demand are two major challenges. In our email interview with Sarah Gaudreau, Project Director of the Washington AIDS Partnership’s Female Condom Initiative, she explains that the higher cost of the female condom won’t go down until there is a greater demand or a competitor. In this regard, there may be a competitor very soon if the FDA approves the Origami condom (undergoing human trials now).
As for access, many health organizations and grassroot activists are pressuring local pharmacies, community clinics and health departments to carry female condoms. This action is desperately needed because currently only select Walgreens have committed to stocking female condoms nationwide, but even then not all stores carry them.
You can buy FC2 in packs of 3 online and from select Walgreens stores. Our personal review of FC2 coming soon!
Still, making condoms more accessible isn’t enough. In order to confront fears and apprehensions that accompany any new technology, there has to be information sharing and more conversations surrounding female condoms. Increasing demand means talking with potential partners and friends about female condoms- how and when they get used, and how to use them in ways that enhance sexual experience. This is why distribution initiatives like the Washington AIDS Partnership in collaboration with the Health Department, and generously funded by the MAC AIDS Fund, aimed to get the conversation going by handing out condoms in social places like barber shops, beauty salons, clothing stores and liquor stores. Learn more about the initiative from this NPR interview.
To commemorate this day of awareness, we wanted to help tackle these fears and misconceptions by highlighting all of the amazing and important advantages that the female condom offers. We’ve come up with 12. Feel free to add more in the comment section below.
1) It can be inserted hours before sex! No erection needed.
The design on an internal condom opens the door to a whole new world of safe sex. No interruptive “wait, let’s find a condom” moment. No fumbling to stretch one over the penis in an attempt at foreplay. And, perhaps most importantly, the receptive partner can be preemptive and put one on without negotiating protection in the first place.
2) Negotiation power is altered.
The receptive partner can take control of their safety independently.
A number of health organizations in North America and abroad have been working to increase access to female condoms for sex workers and communities with high HIV infection rates, where use of traditional roll-on condom is low despite abundent availablilty.
3) Increases female sexual pleasure.
Contrary to many first impressions, this device can actually enable sexual pleasure rather than dull it. In our interview, Sarah Gaudreau highlights a yet unpublished study from Washington D.C. that found women were more likely to orgasm with a female condom than with a male condom. Some women even reported multiple orgasms.” transfer body heat immediately. Also, the outer ring is this soft rolled material that fits over the outer lips and rubs the clitoris, which can function as an added
4) Helps you know your body better.
Some women have compared their first experience with the female condom to learning how to use a tampon. Greater awareness of one’s body is intrinsic to personal agency. The female condom can help women be in control and responsible for their pregnancy and STI prevention.
5) May be used for anal sex (but it is not FDA approved for this use).
No condom (male or female) currently available on the market has actually been tested for protective anal sex (in fact, only until this year has the first FDA testing for protective anal sex ever taken place). Despite the fact that the Female Health Company does not advocate using FC2 for anal sex because it is not FDA approved for such use, there are still men, women and transgender folks who do use it for these needs.
6) May be used for oral sex.
Protective cunnilingus is another benefit that the female condom offers but of which it has not been officially tested for. Gaudreau explained in our interview that some prefer using the FC2 for oral sex. “The outer ring helps keep the female condom in place and this allows hands-free operation. With a dental dam, you have to hold it in place.” Furthermore the FC2 has no flavor or lingering latex after taste, so some prefer it to male condoms or dental dams.
7) One size fits all.
The female condom forms to the internal walls of the body, not the penis. This means that the size of the condom (and penis) is irrelevant, so that knocks off a list of popular excuses not to wear a roll-on condom. As Gaudreau explains, female condoms can be a better alternative for some men.
“The size of a man’s penis has no impact on the FC2 [female condom]. The FC2 is larger because as it warms to body temperature, it lines the vaginal walls which in turn provides a very natural feeling. We hear from many men that it feels like they are not using any protection at all which they like. I guess if a man can’t find a male condom that fits, the FC2 is a great option as it fits the woman’s body and not the man’s.”
8) Effective dual protection against pregnancy and STI transmission.
This is an obvious advantage, but we had to emphasize just how effective condoms are at prevention. With consistent and correct use, the female condom is 95% effective at preventing pregnancy and transmission of many STIs. This makes it one of the top most effective methods of birth control and STI protection.
Furthermore, because the outer ring covers some of the labia and perineal region it can be more effective than male condoms at preventing skin to skin transmission of STIs such as genital warts, HPV and herpes.
9) It’s non-hormonal with no side effects.
A recent article in NYMag discusses a curious decrease in hormonal birth control preferences among the Millennial generation. More and more young women are ditching the Pill and favor methods that don’t effect periods, cause weight gain or depression.
The female condom comes with no hormonal side effects. Also, it doesn’t require an appointment with a clinic or a prescription. You can easily buy female condoms online. In the United States, select Walgreens supplying FC2. They are also available at local HIV/AIDS organizations and family planning clinics, like Planned Parenthood. If your local pharamacy or clinic doesn’t carry them, ask them to! Here are sometalking points (pdf) to help you initiate the conversation.
10) It’s hypo-allergenic.
The FC2, the only internal condom currently available in North America, is made of nitrile polymer, a material similar to latex in softness and strength, but better because it does not have that funky latex scent or latex allergens. Furthermore, it transfers body heat more efficiently which heightens sensitivity and feels more natural.
11) Water-based, oil-based & silicon. FC2 is compatible with all lubes!
Lubricant is an important companion and it’s even better when you have variety of choice. Unlike latex condoms, the FC2 is compatible with all your favorite lubes including oil-based ones.
12) It’s another option.
The more choices available to you the easier it is to pick and choose what is the best safer sex method for yourself in different circumstances throughout your life. Gaudreau states,
“It’s important to note that people (women and men) want more choices. Female condoms are not going to replace male condoms and that’s okay. But having more options is good. Studies have shown that having both male and female condoms as an option increases protected sex and that’s always great!”
Everything You Need to Know
To learn more about female condoms, including how to use them and where to buy them go to the National FC Coalition. Click for information about Global Female Condom Day and activities near you, as well as many simple and innovative ideas for how you may participate in #GFCD. Send out a tweet, vote for an awareness video, contact your local pharmacy about supplying female condoms.
This site contains affiliate links. When you purchase products through these links, we may earn a commission at no additional cost to you. These commissions help support our work in providing comprehensive sexual health information. We carefully select our affiliate partners and only recommend products we believe will be valuable to our readers. While we may receive compensation for purchases made through these links, this does not influence our reviews or recommendations. All opinions expressed are our own.
I was out late with friends. I was 19-years-old and lit up with enough alcohol to make me silly, energetic, and flirtatious. I was flirting without aim – with female friends and male friends, and without thinking through intentions. I didn’t have any real design, I was just feeling good. We went from bar to bar. I was spinning and heady. At one point I remember grabbing a guy’s hand and running off, speeding the group along.
