This post is for anyone who has a partner that always moans (in a bad way) about using a condom; for anyone who has experienced condom hating; and for anyone who refuses to wear a condom. This is to equip you with reasoning and responses to possible excuses for not using condoms.
A fact we need to face:
When you insist on using a condom you are doing the right thing! Condom usage is about caring for yourself and caring for your partner. Many people get uncomfortable in the condom situation or give-in to not using one because the other doesn’t want to. It is your right as a human being to assert your health needs with your partner. As Heather Corinna puts it: “Asking someone to care for you in any way is not a barrier to intimacy: it’s not asking that keeps space between you…sexual health or even just how to use condoms and use them in a way that works for both of you is not something that keeps people apart, but that brings people closer together.”
In other words, caring for yourself should be a caring partner’s want. If your partner can’t respect your desire to be safe than that is a relationship-red-flag.
Here are some responses you can give to whatever your partner dishes out. Some of these scenarios are from sex educator, Laci Green. For more advice, check out her post and watch her entertaining and informative video on how to deal with sex safety.
Responses to Condom Hate
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Partner: “It doesn’t feel good.” “I can’t feel anything”.
You:“I can’t enjoy sex if I don’t feel safe.” “The safer I feel, the hotter the sex.”
Note: Those who say that they can’t feel anything with a condom are a) being dishonest and/or b) have a lack of experience and are not using condoms properly. Check out our post on the myths of condom hate.
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Partner: “You think I have an STD”. “You don’t trust me.”
You:“This isn’t about me thinking that here is something wrong with you; this is about both our health.” “Don’t you care about the same thing?”
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Partner: “I want to be closer to you/feel you.”
You:“I can’t feel close to you if I don’t feel safe.”
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Partner: “Just this one time.”
You: “We’ve got all these condoms. Let’s do it more than once!” “Once is one too much for me.”
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Partner: “They never fit.”
You: “There are so many styles of condoms, let’s try them out and see which ones are best!” “If it’s too big for a condom, it’s too big for me.”- Laci Green
Note: Check out our condom fitting solutions chart for help finding the right condoms.
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For more advice and ideas check out Laci Green’s website. Scarleteen is pretty great too.
What other excuses and responses are out there? What have you experienced?