My relationship with condoms is conflicted. I don’t completely trust any condoms. And yet, I have to use them because they are my only option as a heterosexual male. First I’ll explain why I use condoms. The I’ll explain why my dislike for them always lingers: Can’t live with ’em; can’t live without them.
I use condoms for three reasons: 1) I don’t want to contract an infection or disease. 2) I don’t want children without being prepared and 3) I do not like how hormonal birth control changes a woman’s body, her emotional and natural cycles. Why I dislike condoms is because, for me, they often don’t feel good and they do not always work.
My reaction the time a condom last broke on me was pretty interesting.
I was using a new condom that my friend suggested we try. It was Kimono Mirco Thin Large. The condom fit a little tight at the base, but drop a bit of lube on and how it feels during sex is great. It was so thin and sensitive, I honestly don’t remember feeling the condom ever breaking.
I remember confiding in my partner the worry that condoms are not always guaranteed to work. Of course, she protested my comment. I don’t blame her. Condoms are the best option and just because there is the chance that they might break is still a stronger safety net than not using anything at all. Coincidentally, that same day we went through this experience.
When we were finished, I pulled out and saw my naked penis pierced through the top of the condom. My initial reaction was, “Oh Shit! The condom broke.”
Shock and worry flashed through me. But I knew everything would be fine because Plan B could be bought over the counter. Honestly, I think my partner was more distraught than I was. However, I didn’t make anything easier because I started to make jokes about how I just told her I didn’t completely trust condoms.
It killed the mood. However, it raised my awareness about how important it is to experiment with different condoms and research different condom sizes and fits. I now know my trust in Kimono condoms has expired. And I have yet to find a condom that fits me perfectly.
Condom breakage is so dangerous. What if I didn’t have money for Plan B (a generic brand costs about $40), or what if I contracted an infection? It’s so frustrating that even when being safe and responsible, there is always a level of risk.
What I’ve learned from this experience is that I should take the time to get to know my partner to the point of feeling comfortable talking about STI history as well as what we do in the event of safe sex malfunction. I really need to do more research on condoms that fit me correctly and don’t cause irritation.
Any suggestions would be most welcomed! So while I continue to struggle with condoms I can’t give up on them. Abstinence is the ultimatum I’m not willing to succumb to.
Monologues are independent stories and the opinions shared are the author’s own.
