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This poster is inspired by one of the most progressive pieces on consent yet. “The Consent Post” by Elena Kate exposes the inherent problems of the “No means No” approach and re-frames consent as “Yes means Yes”. What’s more, she goes beyond simple definitions by acknowledging nuances and complexity. It is contrary to what most sex education programs teach (if consent is mentioned at all!); consent is not a single uniform act of permission. Elena writes that consent is an on-going, “cooperative investigation of options, and a careful, considerate selection that is approved and preferred by all parties involved”.
What do you think?
Check out more illustrations by the Condom Monologues collective!
A guide to understanding how to convert penis size for best condom width.
Knowing condom size is one thing. Knowing what size best fits is another. Condom shopping is a daunting task no thanks to marketing gimmicks. Even looking past the clutter of overused adjectives like “thinnest” and “most sensitive”, you still need to decode the actual size dimensions (if they are labeled at all!).
Companies typically report the condom width only. This is determined by laying the condom flat, so it does not match penis circumference. So how are you sure that this one-dimensional measure will match your three-dimensional penis?
It’s not like you can take a box of condoms to the changing room and try one on before you buy.
One blogger has taken on this condom conundrum by collecting numerous studies. “Alex”, the creator of Condom Sizes & Facts, is not an expert, but he has organized findings from various scientific surveys to allow readers come to their own conclusions about condom sizing. We got the opportunity to ask Alex about some of his personal conclusions.
He breaks down three things you need the know about average penis size surveys before you start believing that you are abnormal, and he gives pointers to keep in mind when condom shopping. Also, he fine tunes the magic number 2.25 from our formula:
Penis girth / 2.25 = approx condom width
We begin with republishing this data from his blog. The table matches penis to condom size. From this data, you may understand why an “average” size man may fit a magnum condom. These numbers are approximate guides from the research on Alex’s blog. Fitting may vary depending on condom elasticity and personal preference. Affiliate links within.
Condom Monologues:First of all, how would you like to be credited?
Alex from Condom Sizes and Facts: That’s a perfect first question. I don’t want to be credited because I am not an expert. Data I have collected are public and I did not produce them. I barely used them to make my opinion and decided to share it.
CM: In your investigation into penis size, you explain that very few studies sponsored by condom companies actually produce sound scientific data. In fact, average penis size may be smaller and more varied than companies have previously reported. Please cite which penis size survey(s) you trust the most and why?
CSF: First I would like to be perfectly clear: penis size is not interesting “per se”, especially length, which is what most people mean when talking about size. You have 3 kinds of studies:
1) self-reported measurements: men report their penile dimensions. The averages are typically 15.6–16.6 cm for length and 12.2–13.6 cm for girth.
Examples: Kinsey study, Internet survey by Richard Edwards, Durex survey.
These studies are of poor interest and rather have readers feel inadequate due to the somewhat high over-estimates.
2) pharmacological measurements: measurements are conducted by researchers , either directly or by men after a proper training. The averages are typically 12.9–14.5 cm for length and 11.9–12.3 cm for girth.
They are of great value, but one needs to get the whole article to judge the quality: some have been performed on men with erectile dysfunctions, some use a very small sample, where representation is heavily questioned, methods of measurements often vary (base, mid-points, under the glans, “bone pressed” or not), or the measurement itself is different (width, circumference, and mode of erection).
3) The last kind is a hybrid between a) and b). These are the self-reported studies where:
the sample has been carefully selected (or big enough to cancel the possible bias),
a harmonized measurement method is clearly explained to ensure standard practices and avoid inconsistencies, men are motivated to measure their penis carefully and to report accurate data.
The averages are typically 13–14.2cm for length and 12–12.2 cm for girth.
The Herbernick and TheyFit studies are good examples. Their values reside in the huge samples from which they get the data.
There is no survey I trust the most. Rather, it is the consistency through the various serious surveys which should be trusted.
CM: In order to determine proper condom width, would you recommend dividing penis circumference by 2.25? How do you arrive at this approximation? And what do people need to consider about elasticity?
CSF: Actually, researchers (Gerofi for example) have come to the conclusion that a condom should be stretched about 10 to 20%. This, translated in ratio between penis circumference and condom width gives a 2.2 (10%) to 2.4 (20%) division factor.
2.25 represent a 12.5% condom stretch. And to be perfectly honest, it is only my personal taste, with my preferred condom brand. I really don’t like condoms fitting too snugly, but I do want a minimum grip to ensure safety.
The above values are calculated from an average elasticity, one has to know that it is the consequence of 1) condom thickness and 2) latex recipe.
You may not know these parameters when buying a condom. But be sure they do vary a lot between brands and condom types because companies use different ingredients. For example: TheyFit recommends a 2.37 dividing factor for its condoms.
The most important thing to understand is that you can use these figures as a guidance, but be sure to do your own research and trials. Real experience should always be the deciding factor.
CM: What is the most surprising thing you’ve come across in your penis-condom size research?
CSF: Two things: Condom latex recipes change drastically and thus vary condom elasticity.
Second, like many men, I discovered late that the fitting problems I was experiencing were not “normal” (not just something I had to put up with) nor a consequence of an inadequate technique. I was truly surprised the first time I changed my condom size and discovered what a good fit could mean: no more anxiety, all gone in one breath!
Have comments? Questions? Still not sure what condoms will fit? Leave a note below or message us on FB or Twitter.
That’s right. The overcrowded matrix of condom dimesions has been hacked and neatly reorganized by our techy team. Located in the top menu of our Home page under “Condom “Sizes”. This nifty tool allows you to custom search size, material, flavors, brands, etc., across 100 hundred condoms all in one place. It’s an upgrade from our archaic condom size charts in which you need to scrool lists and lists of products. The calculator does the searching for you and helps you pinpoint your preferences. Give it and try and let us know what you think! Updates and improvements are never ending. Go to the Condom Size Calculator.
Today is the day to celebrate possibly one of the most important inventions since humans started having sex!
Global Female Condom Day (#GFCD) is taking place in over 50 countries across the world to raise awareness and tackle misconceptions about this safer sex option. This is crucial because it is the only protection of its kind that puts power in the hands of the receptive partner and prevents against both STIs and pregnancy.
Use this as your facebook cover page for the day. Learn more about how to participate by going to www.nationalfccoalition.org/gfcd
In North America, most cities will celebrate through community outreach and other educational activities. The makers of FC2 (the Female Health Company) have launched a text messaging program to help locate female condoms in the local area. People can text FC2condom to 877877 to find the nearest location to buy female condoms.
Some cities are also launching film screenings of the winners of the international “Female Condoms Are…” Festival. You can view these short films on PATH’s YouTube channel. Or you can vote for a fan favorite here.
Why is there #GFCD?
Despite being around for two decades, the female condom (aka “internal condom”) continues to live in the margins. It is rarely taught about in public school sex education and is not as readily available at local grocery stores like its male counterpart. Access and demand are two major challenges. In our email interview with Sarah Gaudreau, Project Director of the Washington AIDS Partnership’s Female Condom Initiative, she explains that the higher cost of the female condom won’t go down until there is a greater demand or a competitor. In this regard, there may be a competitor very soon if the FDA approves the Origami condom (undergoing human trials now).
As for access, many health organizations and grassroot activists are pressuring local pharmacies, community clinics and health departments to carry female condoms. This action is desperately needed because currently only select Walgreens have committed to stocking female condoms nationwide, but even then not all stores carry them.
You can buy FC2 in packs of 3 online and from select Walgreens stores. Our personal review of FC2 coming soon!
Still, making condoms more accessible isn’t enough. In order to confront fears and apprehensions that accompany any new technology, there has to be information sharing and more conversations surrounding female condoms. Increasing demand means talking with potential partners and friends about female condoms- how and when they get used, and how to use them in ways that enhance sexual experience. This is why distribution initiatives like the Washington AIDS Partnership in collaboration with the Health Department, and generously funded by the MAC AIDS Fund, aimed to get the conversation going by handing out condoms in social places like barber shops, beauty salons, clothing stores and liquor stores. Learn more about the initiative from this NPR interview.
To commemorate this day of awareness, we wanted to help tackle these fears and misconceptions by highlighting all of the amazing and important advantages that the female condom offers. We’ve come up with 12. Feel free to add more in the comment section below.
1) It can be inserted hours before sex! No erection needed.
The design on an internal condom opens the door to a whole new world of safe sex. No interruptive “wait, let’s find a condom” moment. No fumbling to stretch one over the penis in an attempt at foreplay. And, perhaps most importantly, the receptive partner can be preemptive and put one on without negotiating protection in the first place.
2) Negotiation power is altered.
The receptive partner can take control of their safety independently.
A number of health organizations in North America and abroad have been working to increase access to female condoms for sex workers and communities with high HIV infection rates, where use of traditional roll-on condom is low despite abundent availablilty.
3) Increases female sexual pleasure.
Contrary to many first impressions, this device can actually enable sexual pleasure rather than dull it. In our interview, Sarah Gaudreau highlights a yet unpublished study from Washington D.C. that found women were more likely to orgasm with a female condom than with a male condom. Some women even reported multiple orgasms.” transfer body heat immediately. Also, the outer ring is this soft rolled material that fits over the outer lips and rubs the clitoris, which can function as an added
4) Helps you know your body better.
Some women have compared their first experience with the female condom to learning how to use a tampon. Greater awareness of one’s body is intrinsic to personal agency. The female condom can help women be in control and responsible for their pregnancy and STI prevention.
5) May be used for anal sex (but it is not FDA approved for this use).
No condom (male or female) currently available on the market has actually been tested for protective anal sex (in fact, only until this year has the first FDA testing for protective anal sex ever taken place). Despite the fact that the Female Health Company does not advocate using FC2 for anal sex because it is not FDA approved for such use, there are still men, women and transgender folks who do use it for these needs.
6) May be used for oral sex.
Protective cunnilingus is another benefit that the female condom offers but of which it has not been officially tested for. Gaudreau explained in our interview that some prefer using the FC2 for oral sex. “The outer ring helps keep the female condom in place and this allows hands-free operation. With a dental dam, you have to hold it in place.” Furthermore the FC2 has no flavor or lingering latex after taste, so some prefer it to male condoms or dental dams.
7) One size fits all.
The female condom forms to the internal walls of the body, not the penis. This means that the size of the condom (and penis) is irrelevant, so that knocks off a list of popular excuses not to wear a roll-on condom. As Gaudreau explains, female condoms can be a better alternative for some men.
“The size of a man’s penis has no impact on the FC2 [female condom]. The FC2 is larger because as it warms to body temperature, it lines the vaginal walls which in turn provides a very natural feeling. We hear from many men that it feels like they are not using any protection at all which they like. I guess if a man can’t find a male condom that fits, the FC2 is a great option as it fits the woman’s body and not the man’s.”
8) Effective dual protection against pregnancy and STI transmission.
This is an obvious advantage, but we had to emphasize just how effective condoms are at prevention. With consistent and correct use, the female condom is 95% effective at preventing pregnancy and transmission of many STIs. This makes it one of the top most effective methods of birth control and STI protection.
Furthermore, because the outer ring covers some of the labia and perineal region it can be more effective than male condoms at preventing skin to skin transmission of STIs such as genital warts, HPV and herpes.
9) It’s non-hormonal with no side effects.
A recent article in NYMag discusses a curious decrease in hormonal birth control preferences among the Millennial generation. More and more young women are ditching the Pill and favor methods that don’t effect periods, cause weight gain or depression.
The female condom comes with no hormonal side effects. Also, it doesn’t require an appointment with a clinic or a prescription. You can easily buy female condoms online. In the United States, select Walgreens supplying FC2. They are also available at local HIV/AIDS organizations and family planning clinics, like Planned Parenthood. If your local pharamacy or clinic doesn’t carry them, ask them to! Here are sometalking points (pdf) to help you initiate the conversation.
10) It’s hypo-allergenic.
The FC2, the only internal condom currently available in North America, is made of nitrile polymer, a material similar to latex in softness and strength, but better because it does not have that funky latex scent or latex allergens. Furthermore, it transfers body heat more efficiently which heightens sensitivity and feels more natural.
11) Water-based, oil-based & silicon. FC2 is compatible with all lubes!
Lubricant is an important companion and it’s even better when you have variety of choice. Unlike latex condoms, the FC2 is compatible with all your favorite lubes including oil-based ones.
12) It’s another option.
The more choices available to you the easier it is to pick and choose what is the best safer sex method for yourself in different circumstances throughout your life. Gaudreau states,
“It’s important to note that people (women and men) want more choices. Female condoms are not going to replace male condoms and that’s okay. But having more options is good. Studies have shown that having both male and female condoms as an option increases protected sex and that’s always great!”
Everything You Need to Know
To learn more about female condoms, including how to use them and where to buy them go to the National FC Coalition. Click for information about Global Female Condom Day and activities near you, as well as many simple and innovative ideas for how you may participate in #GFCD. Send out a tweet, vote for an awareness video, contact your local pharmacy about supplying female condoms.
The grassroots-funded documentary film, Slut, all began with middle school diary entries shared on Tumblr.
I had teachers not only laugh when I was called a “slut” or a “whore”, but also had teachers join in. I also had a teacher hit on me because of my “title.” The worst experience was when a kid would grope me every day in class, and my teacher would yell at me for yelling at him or smacking him. The teacher who hit on me has been since fired, but the rest are still teaching there. – Anonymous, The UnSlut Project (cross-posted with permission).
As we’ve discussed elsewhere, intersections of sexual education and storytelling can be powerful. Story opens the imagination. It draws connections between people and deepens understanding of ourselves and each other. The UnSlut Project shows that story can unsilence the ill-effects that certain tropes and attitudes have on us all.
The “slut” experience shared above is one of hundreds by girls and women submitted to the UnSlut Project. This collaborative space of story sharing and support (see their community advice page) all started by co-founder Emily Lindin posting on Tumblr her very personal diary entries of being sexually bullied as the middle school skank. The response has been enormous and now hundreds of girls and women have voiced their own experiences of sexual bullying that, in some cases, have led to isolation, depression, cutting, and suicide attempts. Read the stories for yourself.
There are many entries like the one above that testify to the extent to which slut-shaming permeates our school systems and communities. It is not simply lack of sex education in public schools (although this is a very important aspect to consider in debates about what constitutes “comprehensive” sex ed). Teachers, counselors, parents, and peers are all implicated.
It leads to a few important questions: Who in North America hasn’t been exposed to slut shame? How much does the “skanky” stereotype influence the way we censor and manage our own desires and sexuality? How are our schools (and sex education curricula) complacent and, in many cases, actively supporting sexist values and behaviors?
These are questions that Slut: A Documentary Film will explore. Emily Lindin and Jessica Caimi want to convey to a wider public how normalized sexual bullying is in our schools, communities and media, and what we can all do to eradicate it. They’ve launched a Kickstarter campaign to fund the filmmaking. During the next 11 days (as of writing) people are having an ongoing discussion about the film production and what voices should be featured in Slut.
Consider supporting this cause to raise public awareness. Maybe you have an experience with slut shaming to share, as well.
The three videos presented here are like no other sexual health messages shared on prime time TV. They were made by HIV-positive youth from the Young Adult Program (YAP) at St. Luke’s and Roosevelt Hospitals’ Spencer Cox Center for Health. This video initiative, designed and facilitated by the consultancy group Connected Health Solutions Inc., has turned top-down approaches of traditional PSAs on its head.
Just “wear a condom every time”
For those of you who can’t remember, public service announcements (PSAs) from the late 80’s to ‘90s predominantly involved high profile personalities like Magic Johnson and Whoopie Goldberg telling you to “wear a condom every time”. Here’s young Whoopie (nostalgia!).
Some of these messages were groundbreaking for the time. Others were not so effective. In our interview with the founders of the HIV Disclosure Project, we discuss how early HIV awareness campaigns were based on fear, pushing condoms as the only option to avoid death. These messages were vague. They obscured real-life information about the different degrees of risks and how to manage those risks with options suited for the individual or relationship. You certainly didn’t see Growing Pains’ Kirk Cameron speaking about “fluid-bonded” couples, or how oral sex is risky for some STIs while less risky for others. Consequently, 30 years into the HIV pandemic, STI stigma and misconceptions about transmission are still perpetuated today.
But there is hope. The Young Adult Program (YAP) at St. Luke’s and Roosevelt Hospitals’ Spencer Cox Center for Health in partnership with Connected Health Solutions, Inc. (CHS), have changed mainstream top-down approaches of PSAs. They’ve cultivated a safe and critically reflective space for youth to produce their own public health messages. Upon contacting the project for an interview, however, I learned that their collaboration has been forced to stop due to loss of funding and state budget cuts.
#SpreadTheWordNotTheVirus
Depressing as this is, some of the youth who made the videos below are in the process of organizing an Indiegogo campaign to help continue the program. And not without celebrity pizazz and support from DJ Caroline D’Amore (whose mother died from AIDS-related causes). Watch this space for updates: SpreadTheWordNotTheVirus. And follow CHS facebook page.
YAP and CHS behind the scenes film production of “It’s Not Just a Guy Issue”
A New Era of PSAs
CHS has been working with at-risk youth from YAP for a couple of years. What’s novel about their work is in the production process. They collectively produce online PSAs that address issues relevant to the participants. Kenny Shults, president of CHS, explained in an email that over a period of a few month, participants would run through a series of group exercises all geared towards thinking critically about a social issue (such as HIV stigma) and develop an effective script. “We then spend about a month working together to complete all of the pre-production activities such as casting, props, locations, etc. and fine tuning the script. Then everyone shows up to the shoot (1 day per PSA) to make a movie. It is an incredibly fun, interactive, educational, and inspiring process,” Kenny explains.
What results is a number of original and thought-provoking messages. The PSAs presented here were made by HIV positive young adults from YAP. The first video conveys the message that people living with HIV can give birth to and raise healthy children, have a healthy family and lead fulfilling lives. Kenny highlights this video in particular, stating:
…a number of the youth who made the “Happily Ever After” campaign are now taking their meds after making this piece. One young woman says: “Every time I take my pill in the morning I picture Emma’s face” (Emma is the name of the actress in that PSA). We couldn’t have asked for a better outcome.
This is precisely the point. The significance of the workshops is not the glossy quality of the final product; rather, it is the process which matters most. Making a short film by and for the very population it represents, and finding a collective voice together cultivates a transformative power from within. Participants complete the PSA with a critical, self-reflective understanding of the issue and the social structures and institutions that influence such an issue. In effect, the participants’ attitudes have positively shifted.
The second PSA, “One Condition”, tackles HIV stigma by asking the audience “What would you do?” in the situation of HIV disclosure. It’s an important PSA because not nearly enough people understand that HIV is a manageable disease. Advancements in treatment mean that risks of transmission have changed dramatically, and so too must people’s attitudes and fears.
For more about the workshop process and theories that underpins their approach, read the company’s statement and Kenny Shult’s article at The Good Man Project.
What do you think of these PSAs? Do you feel they successfully address a lack in public discourse about living with HIV? What messages would you like to see more of?
An effective condom message
I end with this last video about the importance of safer sex. Unlike the PSAs of the 1990s, this video addresses real obstacles (like embarrassment of buying condoms) and conveys real choices. It offers an alternative ending to another video about condom use and brings light to the forgotten option of female condoms. We follow a guy throughout the day as he prepares for a date, yet at each point that a condom presents itself he is too embarrassed or uncomfortable to pick one up. When the moment comes he is unprepared. Lucky for him, condom use isn’t just a guy’s responsibility.
To view more videos campaigns made with CHS by teens, LGBTQ folk, high school bullies and more, check out the My Media Life playlist by CHS.
Do they exist? We’ve been asked this question a few times. It’s hard to believe that the condom market would overlook this specific and important need. Unfortunately, after deep digging we did not uncover a non-latex flavored condom or dam. So what’s the orally-minded to do?
**If you are surprised to hear that people do use protective barriers for oral sex than you need to read our post on why and how to protect yourself. Other trusted resources include Scarleteen and The Body. (Some external links are affiliates).
Skip to the end for more about flavored non-latex sex dams. No flavored non-latex male condoms were found. We searched over 20 condom retail sites, flipped through hundreds of flavored options paraben-free, sugar-free, vegan, organic fruit extracts but it seems non-latex also equals non-flavor. And ditch your resolve to find a dry, non-lubricated, non-latex barrier because those don’t exist either! (see plastic wrap below).
In general, the popular assumption must be that polyisoprene and polyurethane condoms aren’t manufactured with that latexy aftertaste and smell. So what’s the point of flavoring them? Personally, I have never smelled or tasted anything from standard lubricated polyisoprene condoms (so far I’ve only tried original Lifestyles Skyn). Others have stated that polyurethane also has no-to-little scent and taste. But everyone is different. If you do not like the scent and taste of non-latex we have two important suggestions for you.
Left with these non-latex limitation, here are two options (comment below if you have more ideas).
1) Add your own flavored lube.
Flavored lubricants come in all sorts of variety. Rain offers 8 flavored single packs. From Undercovercondoms.com
Think of non-latex as a clean plate that you can fill up with your personal buffet of hundreds of flavors and sensations. Literally hundreds. Flavored lubes are designed for oral sex. Yes, they are safe to ingest (you only need a drop or two). Plus, lube does more than just mask condom tastes nice. It greatly heightens sensation, body heat transfer and can be lots of fun. Experiment! However, you may be allergic to an ingredient such as glycerin or silicon, so check the content. Also, make sure your lube is compatible with polyisoprene or polyurethane barriers.
Here are some recommended flavored lubes from some of our Condom Monologuers. The Sexpert’s personal favorite is K-Y’s Your’s & Mine Kissables, strawberry & chocolate flavor. She also recommends any flavor of the Masque flavored gel strips that you put on your tongue before going down. Other condom monologuers love watermelon, sour apple and very berry. Writer Ams Sweiger also praises flavorless lubes- Ideally water-based, like Astoglide, because silicon can leave a funky aftertaste.
(But not the microwaveable kind! That has holes which STIs and viruses can pass through). Plastic wrap comes lube-free but is compatible with all types of lubricant (oil, silicon and water-based), and it’s the least expensive of prophylactics. You can also easily cut it to the exact size and shape needed. This is a good solution for latex sensitive people who like lubricants and want safer cunnilingus (vulva oral sex; “eating out”) and analigus (anal oral sex; “rimming”). However, plastic wrap is not really recommended for effective protection when giving head (fellatio; “blow job”). Also keep in mind that plastic wrap tears more easily than other non-latex options, so be a bit more tender.
The one flavored non-latex is…
Well, vulvas and buttholes- it’s the Hot Dam! Banana is it’s flavor. However, it looks as though the manufacturer has stopped producing this version as we can’t confirm any retail site with them currently in stock! In other words, Hot Dams are available, but not necessarily with flavor.
Help us update this post
Have you come across any non-latex flavored barriers? Do you have a favorite lubricant? Post a comment or ask question below.
Is it correct to suggest that condom-bashing is more common than condom-loving? From personal experience, when I speak with people about safer sex the following is often used to describe condoms: “It keeps my partner and me from getting close”, “It disrupts intimacy”; “…It’s unnatural”, “…a mood killer”, “I can’t feel anything with a condom on”, “it hurts”, or “I can’t get off with condoms”. Sound familiar? In fact, rarely do I hear positive things like, “I love using condoms!” and “Condoms make me horny!”
Some argue that male condoms simply suck. Period. Others point to social attitudes as the greater problem and that people are trained to hate condom, states Debbie Herbenick in The Daily Beast.
Can new condoms solve the Condom Problem?
Of course, sexual pleasure and condom use warrant serious discussion. According to a 2013 survey, only 60% of teenagers claim to use condoms regularly. And condom use declines as people grow older. Much media praise is pouring over the “Grand Challenge” pitched by the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation to develop a “next-generation condom that significantly enhances or preserves pleasure.” Thousands have applied for the $100,000 prize grant. It’s got people talking (again) about widespread dissatisfaction with existing condoms.
There’s been ideological backlash from condom defenders. Reported in an article by Slate.com, the Gates’ competition is razzed by Gwaker and Salon, who have labeled condom complainers as “creeps” and “pervs” that are just “whining”. But these righteous attacks do not help. In fact, their points only reinforce shame around sexual pleasure, thus hindering discussions about sexuality and sexual health.
Fingers are also pointing at condom researchers for overlooking the importance of pleasure and narrowly focusing on disease prevention and risk, as assistant professor Joshua G. Rosenberger told The Daily Beast. The narrative surrounding the Gates’ competition has reinvigorated the pleasure factor, but honest discussion about condoms should not end there.
Pleasure-focused condoms already exist!
What’s overlooked in this media coverage is that condom companies have focused on pleasure for decades! One need not look further than the crowded condom market to see where emphasis lay. Navigating through all the pleasure bumps, pouches, dual action lubricants, and “twisted” pleasure condoms can be a confusing (and fun!) task. This is not to deny that there are limits in male condom choice (not to mention severe limits of dams and female condoms!). Indeed, most are latex based. Non-latex is more expensive and difficult to find off-line (see our post about buying condoms online). And all existing condoms roll on and off in the same way (although prototype Origami condom might change that).
There is more to condom use than bananas
Another aspect overlooked in discussions of condom hate is the way in which students are introduced to and informed about condoms in sex education. Condoms talk is often devoid of any discussions regarding pleasure. But instead of limiting condoms to banana demonstrations, educators and prevention providers can play a valuable role by explaining some special condom features that already exist to suit individual needs, including allergies, lubrication, the health warnings of n-9 spermicide, flavors, and different condom shapes and sizes.
The point is that there are thousands of condom types already. What we need is pleasure-inclusive sex education so that young people and adults access information about options, how to find the right condom, and different ways to use condoms well. This can help increase consistent and correct use, hence reduce health risk while nurturing healthy and satisfying sexual lives. Everyone wins!
Condom haters are in the minority
There is plenty of alternative evidence out there to suggest that the physical differences between unprotected sex and sex with a condom are minor to non-existent. The Kinsey Institute’s annual National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior (2011) found that adults who use condoms for penetrative sex tend to report the same degree of sexual pleasure as those who have sex without condoms. Another study that measured physical sensation (and only physicality- excluding other factors like perceived trust or sexual history, etc.) found that most men do feel a slight decrease of sensation with a condom. However, if used and fitted correctly, a condom should never decrease a man’s sensitivity to the point of pain, numbness, or loss of erection. For women, it is rare to experience any dulling, which (as Scarleteen wisely points out) is not surprising, because the vagina has far less nerve sensory compared to the clitoris and frenulum, and therefore is less receptive to finer differences like skin compared to latex. Yes, there are women and men who experience physical irritation, drying, gross tastes and weird smells. But there are ways to overcome these problems. It’s not like safe sex is a chore that one just has to deal with!
Understanding sexual pleasure
There’s the argument that people are trained to hate condoms. Check out our post about the lack of positive representations of condoms in popular culture and entertainment. From our searches, we could not find any peer reviewed scientific studies that conclude that condoms severely detract from physical sensation. We did find studies- including Randolph et. al. (2008), Mizuno et. al. (2007) and Boston University School of Health Our Bodies Ourselves Collective (2011)– in which more men than women reported that condoms did cause sex to feel “less good”. However, all three studies find that those who report negative feelings towards condoms are people who rarely use them. This seems like an obvious finding, but what’s more nuanced here is that those who believe this is so tend to be less-experienced with condoms (some of which have no actual experience). While many people do report that unprotected sex feels better than protected sex, in general, people who use condoms frequently and are confident about how to use them well tend to experience greater satisfaction with protected sex then those who do not use condoms.
This implies that sexual pleasure when using condoms cannot simply be reduced to basic physics of vaginal or penile sensation. Of course, “sexual pleasure” is a fluid concept that means many different things to different people in different contexts. There is more to consider when measuring degrees of satisfaction and pleasure than just what a condom touches, such as how we feel emotionally and intellectually about ourselves, our bodies, our relationships, and sex as an integral part of life. Many studies argue that attitudes and beliefs toward condoms greatly influence one’s experience of using them. So, it may be fair to say that claims of “not feeling anything” have more to do with lack of experience using condoms (lack of experimenting), or not using them properly.
The catch is that when people know what type of condom they like, know how to use them correctly, consistently, and different ways to increase sensuality (i.e. experimenting with lubes, ribbed condoms, having a partner put on the condom for you), there is greater overall satisfaction. As Heather Corinna writes, “…it’s the people who don’t use them at all that tend to complain about them the most.” Thus many people’s negative attitudes place them in a self-perpetuating cycle: If you approach condom use with pessimism, then you set yourself up for aversion. This cycle will discourage from experimenting with different condoms and discovering what types and lubricants you like, and what methods are most comfortable and exciting; in general, it’s the mind set that is often the mood-killer.
How to make condoms sexy
The Next Generation condom is a positive competition that will hopefully lead to innovative and improved technology. But this alone cannot solve public perceptions and negative sentiment towards condoms. In another post, we have suggested that media, from soap operas to popular how-to magazines to porn must include more positive representations of condoms for vaginal, anal, and oral sex to help normalize safe sex. We also suggest basic condom usage techniques and ways of making condom usage a sexy part of sex, rather than a disruption. And of course, access to education and knowing which condoms suit one’s individual needs (and their sexual relationships) is vital to loving the glove. Here is our fitting guide to help those who experience particular fitting problems.
Tell us what you think from your experience or teachings.
On July 8th a woman is put on trial for aggravated assault (one of the most serious offenses in the criminal code) because she did not disclose her HIV status to her sex partner. In Canada, people living with HIV are legally required to disclose their status to their partner before having “sex” that involves “significant risk” of transmitting the virus (Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network). However, the law has prosecuted numerous cases in which sex posed no significant risk of HIV transmission, including the July 8th “JM” trial. Justice is being mismanaged.
The law has not kept up with scientific advancements and understanding about risks of HIV transmission. Courts do not routinely considered important information about exposure such as whether the person was taking antiretroviral treatment, what the person’s viral levels were at the time, whether protective barriers were used, and what sexual act occurred, as some involve less risk than others.
Support JM & Protest on July 8
According to activists at AIDS ACTION NOW, the charges of “JM’s” case refer to “oral sex with an undetectable viral load” and despite the extremely low risk (almost zero percent) the court “is refusing to drop the oral sex charges”. She is also being charged for allegedly engaging in unprotected vaginal sex. However, her viral load was “undetectable at the time and she claims a condom was used”. Read the full statement by AIDS ACTION NOW.
There will be a protest against unjust prosecution of people living with HIV at the courthouse in Barrie, Ontario at 13:00 on July 8th. For more info visit the event Facebook page or contact aidsactionnowtoronto@gmail.com.
Image from documentary film, Positive Women. Directed by Alison Duke; Executive Producer Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network. Available to watch online.
Want to learn more?
The issue of HIV disclosure is so complex and poisoned by stigma. One can live a happy, sexual life living with HIV. Yet this is seldom represented or discussed in public discourse. More stories need to be shared about peoples’ experiences with disclosure and being prosecuted.
We’ve launched a series of monologues about different experiences with HIV disclosure and safe sex, such as Virgina’s letter to her sex dam. Our interview with folks at the HIV Disclosure Project (Why Not Have Sex With Someone Living W/ HIV?) describes how people who disclose their status put themselves against enormous risks including risk of verbal and physical abuse, risk of rejection and isolation, risk of discrimination by being “outed”, and violations of basic human rights.
There is an important 45 minute documentary, Positive Women, which is free to watch. The film explores how the law of HIV non-disclosure actually fails to protect women and reinforces discrimination against people living with HIV.
We give the low down on public sex education debates hitting headlines the past 6 months. There’s been a lot of coverage. Some jaw-drop appalling. Some inspiring. It was difficult to limit ourselves to 10! This year has seen a lot of students standing up for their rights to access of medically accurate, relevant sexual health knowledge.
1) Two Alabama high school students launch a petition to repeal a state law which requires public sex education to teach students that homosexuality is criminal. The Supreme Court has ruled that same-sex sodomy laws are illegal, but that has not stopped the message from being enforced in sex education. “Telling students that being gay is a crime is not only wrong, it’s unconstitutional according to our nation’s highest court”, states the petition. To date, it’s received 93, 836 supporters, over half the required signatures.
2) Similarly, in Tennessee, 11 year old Marcel speaks out against the so-called “Don’t Say Gay” bill which seeks to prohibits teachers from discussing homosexuality in K- through Grade 8. He is also standing up against R-John Ragan who previously compared homosexuality to pedophilia and prostitution. Marcel calls on the lobby group, StudentsFirst, to take back its award to R-John Ragan, whom they recently named “Educational Reformer of the Year.” Check out Marcel’s petition and watch the short version of his story found on LGBTQNation.com
3) With this spring’s Steubenville rape trail and the recurrent use of “rape culture”, what better time to push a petition to make “enthusiastic consent” a mandatory part of public sex education nationwide. Unfortunately the petition did not receive enough signatures in time and expired. We learned about this campaign from a self-identified bisexual high schooler who criticizes her sex education on Our Bodies Our Blog.
4) Politically and religiously motivated guest speakers were caught on tape giving false sexual and reproductive health info at a high school assembly. In the hour long lecture, two representatives from an anti-abortion organization preached scare tactics to students. For example, they said that “condoms have a failure rate of about 14%”, that there’s a new STD spreading that is “deadlier and faster than AIDS”, that as the rate of “STDs goes up the rate of fertility goes up” and that “all medical textbooks say that life begins at conception”. They also gave sexist information about male and female sexuality explaining that girls in particular need to be careful about sex because they are predisposed to be hormonally and emotionally “bonded” to whoever they are sexually active with. News about the misinformation taught at abstinence-only assemblies are coming to light only because high school students are speaking out. You can listen to the inflammatory rhetoric from a shorter version of lecture provided by TheTennessean.com.
5) Katelyn Campbell made big waves in April when she refused to attend an abstinence-only assembly calling the presentation “slut-shaming”. Funded by a conservative religious organization called “Believe in West Virginia” and advertised with fliers that proclaimed “God’s plan for sexual purity”, lecturer Pam Stenzel allegedly told students that “if you take birth control, your mother probably hates you” reports ThinkProgresss.org. In response to her protest, the school principal threaten Katelyn’s academic career. But this has only led to more support for Katelyn’s cause inspiring strangers from across North America to fight for comprehensive sex ed. There is now a facebook page Friends of Katelyn Campbell.
You can watch YouTube lectures by Pam Stenzel and her outlandish sex health bullshit. 6) In May, Elizabeth Smart, a kidnap and rape survivor, received serious backlash after criticizing abstinence-only sex education. Smart stated that abstinence-only sex ed did not equip her the self-worth that she needed; instead it contributed to her sense of worthless and filth after being repeatedly raped. Abstinence-only proponents disapproved of her criticism by saying that she was speaking irresponsibly and even questioned the extent of her abuse. Calah Alexander (@calahalexander) writes a poignant piece against the backlash on Patheos.com. She writes,
No one showed even a hint of sympathy for how [Elizabeth Smart] had suffered, not only at the hands of her captors, but at the hands of a degrading philosophy of human sexuality. Such a callous indifference to human suffering is appalling. It shows that too many Christians, too many proponents of abstinence-only education, have put their concern for the welfare of a quasi-political movement above their concern for the welfare of a human being, of human dignity itself.”
7) In other backlash news, the anti-abortion bills that swept over the US during the beginning of 2013 have also impacted sex education. In April, Kansas law determined that life begins “at fertilization”. This bill prohibits any agents connected to abortion providers – including Planned Parenthood – from providing any information on human sexuality to students in public schools.
Image from ThinkProgress.org
8)Sex Week is becoming an actual thing to kick off Spring semester across North America. The lineup varies across campuses including lectures on how to masturbate, how to use condoms, the concept of virginity, contraceptive choices, what it means to be transgender, and how to stop sexual violence—topics that many college students, despite being age 18 and over—never learned about in high school. But 2013 proved a tough year as administrators stalled sex talk events, cut funding, and banned the distribution of free condoms on campus. Cosmopolitan explains more.
9) What exactly does “comprehensive” mean in sex education? Jess Kiley @Jessthefeminist nails it on the head. Providing examples of some outlandish laws passed this year, she makes a strong argument on Feminspire.com for why sex education has failed and sustained homophobia, transphobia and sexism.
10) Ending on a happy note, Illinois has made great strides this year. In January, they enacted a law that requires sex ed to focus on sexual abuse and consent. The state also banned abstinence-only sex ed and put in place new requirements that education must be medically accurate.
For more information on trends sweeping sex education policy across US states check out the Guttmacher Institute, an independent nonprofit research institute that works to provide sexual and reproductive health and rights in the United States and worldwide.
What do you think should be added to this year’s list of public sex education in the news? Share a cause or petition with us.
